


touch me with your light

by regionals



Series: TMWYL [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Fic, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Separation Anxiety, Social Anxiety, mostly fluff tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 09:29:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15771354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/regionals/pseuds/regionals
Summary: in which tyler and josh are both idiots.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [violetjosh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetjosh/gifts).



> i don't know if anyone is gonna be particularly crotchety about this but this fic is typed with no caps as a stylistic choice because i thought it looked nice lol

josh is nine, three months shy of ten, when his mark starts to show up, it starts slow--faint, red, and squiggly--and it's like that for nine months, slowly getting more and more crisp, up until the first of december of that year. josh assumes that when his soulmate is born, because late at night while he's brushing his teeth after taking a bath, he notices that his mark is no longer blurry, but rather pristine, and he's able to definitively see what it is.

he's excited, but at the same time, he's disappointed. he's lived life so far trying to get used to the fact that he might just _not_ have a soulmate, but as it turns out, he does have one, and they're a decade and six months younger than him. at ten, he doesn't see why that's a big deal, but his parents express concern over it, so he figures it's not good that his soulmate is that much younger than him.

♃☿

four months later, the girl who sits next to josh in his fifth grade class, deborah, he thinks, gets her mark. her mark is on her right arm, and she nudges him when it's fully there to show him. josh has a vague knowledge of astrological signs, given his mark is the symbols for jupiter and mercury, presumably his and his soulmates ruling planets, and he knows that hers is a mashup of the astrological signs for sun and moon.

♃☿

josh is already an outcast for getting his mark so late, so it's no surprise that he and deborah, or debby, as she asks him to call her, wind up being friends. debby is nice enough, and she's always down to have long discussions about their soulmates, so josh is alright with being best friends with her.

♃☿

"do you ever--do you ever wonder what they're like?" josh is fifteen and lying in debby's backyard, passing cigarettes back and forth with her, and occasionally sharing kisses with her as well. her parents aren't home, and she got the white guy with dreads who hangs around the gas station down the street from her house to buy a pack of marlboro reds for her.

"what _who_ is like?" josh mutters as he's exhaling smoke, watching it dissipate into the sky.

"your soulmate. do you ever just... wonder who they are, or what they're like, what they're doing, or what they're gonna be like by the time you actually meet them?"

"of course i do. it's pretty much all i think about."

"sometimes i share dreams with mine," she confesses. "the dreams aren't anything specific, really. i know she's a girl, though. her dreams are... fun, i guess. i mean... what else would a five year old dream about, y'know? sometimes she shows up in my dreams--and i know it's not me projecting, so don't suggest it."

"i wasn't going to."

"good. have you ever shared dreams with yours?"

"once, a few months ago. they were having a nightmare." josh makes a face. "it wasn't that scary, at least not to me. monster under the bed kind of shit, y'know?"

"yeah. you know how it feels, right? knowing that they're just kind of _there,_ in your subconscious with you."

"yep. it's off putting, if i'm being real with you. do you see yours in your dreams? like... is her face clear to you?"

"her face isn't, but her voice is. her face kind of warps into whatever female child face my mind wants to see. how about yours?"

"they're kind of just a vague shape, but i could tell. like, i knew it was them when i was having the dream. it just felt different than the times i'd project, and felt kind of like there was another presence in the dream with me. also--unpopular opinion--but i'm kind of glad my bond with them isn't that strong. like--that kid with the forehead--he and his soulmate literally have full on conversations in their dreams, and i'm pretty sure his soulmate is at least five years older than him. it's weird, and i'm so glad i can't talk to mine."

"sometimes mine asks me questions. they're mostly harmless stuff--innocent kid questions. for the most part, though, we can't interact. like, we share the space, but if i try talking to her it's like she doesn't hear me."

♃☿

josh is seventeen when he shares another dream with them. it's another nightmare, and at this point, he's assuming that he's only going to be able to share dreams with them when they're in distress. this dream isn't a monster under the bed kind of dream, though. it's too real, and it's scary, even to him. there's not that much going on in the dream, really, but _he's_ crying, and there's a woman screaming at him. the woman, over time, morphs into something sinister and evil, and eventually, josh is able to take over the dream, and the setting goes from what he thinks is a kitchen to his dream version of debby's backyard.

♃☿

josh is two weeks from graduating high school when he receives a letter in the mail, informing him that he got accepted to stanford, full ride, on the condition that he studies communications and plays baseball. debby gets a letter a few days later saying she got accepted as well, pretty much the same deal as him, except she's studying law instead. it's still fucking awesome and they're both happy for each other.

♃☿

josh is studying for his english final, a few days after his soulmate turns eight, when he starts getting phantom pains in his left arm. they aren't sharp or anything, but rather dull and muted, kind of like a week old pulled muscle. he boots up his computer, and waits not that patiently for the dial up to start working before pulling up google, and typing, _"phantom pains with strong soul bond,"_ to make sure that it's actually a thing and that he's not losing his mind.

debby's standing behind him, reading over his shoulder. "what the fuck do you think happened to him to where _you're_ feeling it?"

"probably broke his arm or something. jesus." josh rubs at his own arm, trying to will it to stop aching. it doesn't, though, and it hurts off and on for the next six and a half weeks before the pain subsides completely.

♃☿

being twenty two brings a lot of good to josh's life. at this point, he's three years into an actual relationship with debby, because both of them agreed that, well... they don't want to put their lives on hold waiting for their soulmates, and they like each other well enough and have more than enough love in their hearts for each other, so dating and being in a relationship didn't seem like too far of a stretch. it's not that uncommon for people with soulmates wildly younger than them to wind up in relationships with other people.

they're married by august of that year, and by the time debby's soulmate is supposed to be turning twelve, they're packing their bags and moving from columbus to a quaint little home in the suburbs of queens. josh has gotten hired on to new york's major league baseball team, with a five year contract worth just under a hundred million dollars.

he feels bad about moving on with his life, since, for awhile there, he was more than alright with just waiting for his soulmate to find him, but his therapist tells him that she thinks it's perfectly healthy that he's not actively waiting for his soulmate, and that he's, y'know, getting a move on with his life.

♃☿

twenty six is probably the worst year of josh's life, but, also, maybe one of the best, if that's possible.

it's not like his mark goes black or anything like that, but... shit just goes wrong.

debby finds out that she's pregnant about six months _before_ he turns twenty six, and also finds out that she's _due_ a few months after he turns twenty six. those nine and a half months are honestly... great. they buy a house together in a gated subdivision, and they live in domestic bliss, preparing for a newborn.

it's the process of actually acquiring a child that winds up sucking major _ass._ josh taps out at a certain point, going through the motions of things, and most of what he gathers is that something, somewhere, went wrong, there was too much blood and an infection, and that there was nothing that could've been done to prevent it.

♃☿

tyler's three months shy of being sixteen when he shares a third dream with his soulmate. (technically, they share a lot more dreams than that, but it's more like tyler's present for a lot of his soulmate's dreams, but they're never mutually aware of each other unless it's a special occasion.) the dream is fucking gloomy, if he's being real. it's all dark hospital rooms and doctors yelling and babies crying and his soulmate is just sat there on the floor, staring at nothing.

despite being right in front of his soulmate, at least in this dream, tyler still can't properly see his face. he can make out some features, like that he has freckles and that he's definitely in his twenties, but other than that, he has no idea _who_ he is. this dream is definitely one of those dreams where they're both aware of each other, because he looks up at tyler. they can't communicate, at least not verbally. whatever's going on in this fucked up dream, though, tyler's soulmate is upset and mourning, and tyler just sits on the floor in front of him holding his hand with both of his own, and probably failing to transmit some sort of comforting feeling to him.

♃☿

tyler gets woken up from that dream by jenna, who calls his phone, crying hysterically, and all he can make out is that her mark has gone black. he climbs out of his bedroom window, drives to her house, and spends the rest of the night in her bed, holding her and letting her cry on him. he cant shake the feeling that his dream and her mark going black are somehow connected.

♃☿

less than a day after _the dream,_ as tyler has dubbed it, the death of a certain baseball player's wife makes national news. she died during childbirth, and tyler finds it a little ironic that these three events (the dream, jenna's mark going black, and this guy's wife dying) happened so close together, but he writes it off as merely a coincidence.

♃☿

tyler gets kicked out a few weeks before he's set to leave for college, which is more or less just convenient, if anything. (his parents happen to be some of the only people on this fucking planet who have an issue with gay people.) tyler gets into berkeley, not on a full ride because he's not that lucky, and he's majoring in social work, mostly as a result of his upbringing. (abusive parents and run ins with angelic social workers who inspired him to pursue a career in social work.)

♃☿

college is boring.

tyler gets alright grades and he gets his bachelor's on time, living with jenna and her girlfriend throughout college, since she winds up and juillard, and since her girlfriend is, honestly, one of the coolest people tyler's ever met, meaning he's more than okay with being roommates with them.

tyler also doesn't get a job right out of college, and he's basically down to his last penny when an opportunity finally _does_ come his way. a friend of his knows a guy who knows a guy who knows some rich dude who needs a nanny for his kid, and after ass kissing and twenty dollars spent on morning coffees for his friend, he's able to convince said friend to pass his resume along, promising that it'll end up in the right hands.

♃☿

tyler eventually gets a call from the supposed rich guy, asking him to drop by for an interview.

so. he does.

this guy's house--it's something out of a hipster's aesthetic catalog, all cracked red bricks with vines creeping up the sides of the house, looking perfect parts natural and rustic. tyler likes it. the house itself is fairly large, and tyler prays-- _prays_ he lands this job, because, wow. this is a nice home.

the door even has one of those bougie door knockers, and tyler forgoes it in favor of bringing his own fist down on the door, since that's more effective. (there's also two signs fastened to the door with screws-- _no soliciting,_ and _knock--don't ring.)_

the guy who answers the door... is a dream, and is also the last person tyler expected to answer the door. tyler recognizes him immediately as being _joshua dun--_ the highest paid major league baseball player to date--dubbed _the widower with a warm heart_ by pretty much every news outlet in the country. tyler's lived in new york for four years now, though, and he's met a handful of celebrities through jenna, so he's barely phased. he just smiles warmly, and says, "good morning. i'm here for a job interview, hopefully...?"

 _"you're_ tyler?" he asks, as if he were looking for clarification.

"ah, yeah. is there a problem...?"

"no! no, not at all. uh. you just look a lot younger than i thought you would. i... also kind of thought you were a woman with an eccentric name." he looks moderately befuddled, but he shakes his head as if to shake the thought out of his head. "um--come on." he steps aside, and ushers tyler in. "sit right there," he starts as he closes his door and locks it, pointing towards a bench in his foyer, "don't snoop and don't move. i'll, uh, be right back. need to change my clothes. i was helping my son with an art project."

tyler now notices that he has acrylic paint staining his clothes, which look old and like the kind of clothes you'd wear if you were working on an art project. he nods, and takes a seat, waiting patiently for this man to change his clothes. tyler's not always so _pleasant,_ but if being pleasant means he gets a job, then he's more than happy to play the part.

♃☿

"so, uh, your resume's a load of shit, right?" joshua asks as he's sitting down in the chair behind the desk in his office, and as tyler's sitting in the chair on the other side of the desk.

"um. my letters of recommendation and my references are, if that's what you're asking. the rest, including my degree and my certifications, _aren't_ a load of shit, as you've put it. i just haven't been able to find any work, especially in this economy and _especially_ with as little experience as i have in my specific field, outside of internships i had in college, so, y'know."

"alright, good to know. you included in your cover letter that you have... three hellspawn younger siblings? would you care to elaborate on that now that we're sitting here, face to face?"

"yes, actually!" tyler puts on a delighted voice. "i just--i put that on there because i grew up taking care of my three younger siblings, all of whom are indeed hellspawn, since my parents were too busy with working to do it themselves. i'm fairly experienced with taking care of children of all ages, given my oldest sibling, at the moment, is eighteen, then my brothers are twelve and eight respectively."

"well, my son is six. how are you with six year olds?" joshua raises an eyebrow as he types a note on his computer.

"pretty great, i'd hope."

"i also saw that you're a certified counselor?"

"yes! i got my certification after i got my associate's. i'm an actual certified professional counselor, and i don't--i don't know if that specific skill set would be beneficial in, ah, being a nanny, but i figured it couldn't hurt to mention."

"i don't know if it's something other parents would necessarily look for, but, uh... my son--he has fairly bad anxiety, and the fact that you have that specific certification is honestly one of the only reasons i actually let my friend give me your resume. that, and the fact that you have a degree in social work, of course. can i ask why you decided to get a degree in social work?"

"is it unprofessional if i give you an honest answer?"

"um. no. i genuinely would like to know."

"my mom's an abusive alcoholic who hates the fact that my soulmate is... a _man,_ and after a handful of run-ins with social workers, i decided that i wanted to get a career in social work if it means i could help people the way social workers have helped me and countless other people, y'know? and--and i know that there's god awful social workers out there, but it's just... something i've wanted to do." tyler's acting perfect amounts vulnerable and emotional.

joshua nods thoughtfully. "alright. um. honestly, i usually go through an agency when it comes to nannies, but lately i've had some shit luck, and... you seem more than qualified, other than a lack of actual experience. i still need to run a background check on you, and i am going to have to have you pass a drug test, but... as long as both of those check out... you've pretty much got this in the bag. would you like to hear what i expect from you, were i to hire you...? and also benefits and all that."

"of course. i think that would be good to know."

"so... this isn't a job that you can clock in and out for eight hours a day. once baseball season starts, i'm not going to be home more than once every few weeks, and i'm, literally, going to depend on _you_ to take care of my son. and it's not that i don't want to take care of him, because i do, more than anything, but i have a legally binding contract with the yankees, worth more money than you will probably ever see in your lifetime. basically, when i'm not around, you would be his main caregiver. like... making sure he eats all of his meals, making sure he bathes regularly, getting him to school on time, making sure he does homework--etcetera."

"kids are a lot of work, and i was pretty much the main caregiver of my own siblings, and i'm more than prepared to take that task on again."

"i _do_ have a, ah... _butler._ he's weird and finicky and prefers to be called a domestic servant, but he's mostly in charge of household chores, cooking, and cleaning. he's basically a glorified cleaning lady, but lacks the qualifications for me to feel comfortable leaving him alone with my son. point is--household chores wouldn't be in your job description, in case that was a worry." joshua is rambling at this point, but tyler's patient with him, letting him speak. he's also trying to kiss ass as to avoid ruining his chances of finally getting a fucking job. "benefits wise--i spent part of my college days working as a domestic servant, so, now that i'm in a position to do so, i do like to treat my employees _well._ wages can be discussed, and i'm fairly generous. insurance is through blue cross of new york, and is effective after ninety days. uh. free room and board, given you kind of need to be here twenty four-seven, especially when i'm traveling."

"so... i'm not intending to make a pun, but... could you, perhaps, give me a ballpark figure of, ah, what i might be paid?" tyler's trying his best not to be too obvious, but he grew up poor, and he pretty much always pounces at the first mention of money.

joshua isn't stupid, apparently, because he gives tyler a raised eyebrows kind of look. "at least seventy five grand, especially since this is a year round, around the clock kind of job."

"baseball season is from march to october," tyler points this out in the least smart ass way he can.

"you're right, but i do work in the off season, just not playing baseball. like, i've got speeches, appearances, interviews, photo shoots, and a few acting gigs here and there. i don't work nearly as much in the off season as i do during baseball season, but it's still enough that i can't _always_ be home, y'know?"

tyler nods. "yeah, absolutely. um. honestly, i'm down to go take a drug test as soon as i can. whatever i can do to take this job--i'll do it."


	2. Chapter 2

it takes a week and a half before tyler hears back from joshua. of course, he gets the job, and he's pretty fucking excited about it.

meeting the man's kid is... weird, to say the least. joshua's kid is a spitting image of him, even at six, and tyler finds it slightly off putting. on top of that, tyler has to basically coax a, "hello," out of him. he crouches down to where he's a little shorter than the kid, and smiles, hand held out, as he says, "hi there. i'm tyler, and i'm your new nanny."

the kid peeks from behind josh's leg, and shakes tyler's hand as firmly as he can with his childlike strength (which isn't impressive), mumbling, "hello."

joshua steps out of the way, nudging his kid forward a bit, muttering, "be polite and introduce yourself," sounding just a touch too stern.

"i--i--i'm--i'm nath-nathan. i-i-i-i have--i have--i have--i have a s-s-s-st-st-stut-stutter. stutter. i have--i have a stutter _."_

the kid--nathan--looks humiliated, and tyler just smiles at him. "that's alright, little dude. stutters are totally awesome. you can take your time speaking to me, okay?"

♃☿

tyler's in the midst of getting his clothes hung up later that day when he gets the shit scared out of him. he knows joshua has what he called a 'glorified cleaning lady' but he's still not expecting a six and a half foot tall man to be poking his head in the room that supposed to be tyler's room, asking, "do you need any laundry washed, sir?"

tyler about jumps out of his skin. "fucking _christ._ first of all, do _not_ call me sir. my name is tyler and i would _really_ like to be called that. second of all, _at least_ knock so that you don't scare the shit out of me. jesus."he has to take a moment to put his hand over his heart and gather himself. "i don't, by the way. i washed all of my clothes before coming here."

"i apologize. do you want me to hang them up for you...?"

"... i'm twenty two. i think i can hang my own clothes up," tyler deadpans. "um... who are you? i didn't--i didn't meet you earlier."

mysterious tall man steps fully into the room, and if tyler couldn't see the mark on his wrist, he would immediately be praying for _him_ to be his soulmate, because, honestly, he's fucking pretty. mysterious tall man bows, as if out of habit, holds his hand towards tyler, and introduces himself as dallon."basically, it's my job to clean and cook and take care of any other household chores. you're the new nanny, i'm assuming?"

"uh... yeah." tyler shakes his hand. "it's... nice to meet you, i guess. i'm tyler, which you already know because i literally just told you. jesus. sorry. long morning."

"that's totally fine. i, ah, need to go get a crack on with the laundry, but if you need anything or you have any questions, feel free to come find me."

"uh... will do."

♃☿

dinner is... weird, at least on the first night. tyler spends most of his day getting his things unpacked and even spends an hour or two helping nathan with a few spelling worksheets since his father is busy with something or other. he manages to squeeze in a shower around five, and he's in his room looking at something on his phone while he waits for his hair to dry when dallon first knocks, then opens the door to inform him that food's ready.

tyler towels his hair off and gets it as dry as he can get it before he walks out of his living quarters and meanders around until he finds the dining room. unfortunately, he can't get to the kitchen without going through the dining room, because he was, honestly, going to just eat in the kitchen and stay out of the way. he ends up awkwardly asking, "um... do i need to eat in a different room...?"

and his boss... just points at the chair that's to _his_ right, and across from his son, who is sitting there patiently waiting to be served. "you can sit, if you want. i do think it would be a little weird if i forced you to eat in a different room like some sort of reclusive gremlin."

dinner isn't anything too glamorous--it's something tyler could've made on his own in an hour. it's chicken parmesan, garnished with oregano over the tomato sauce, and a few basil leaves. he feels like he makes an ass out of himself when he asks, "do we need to say grace or anything, or can i just...?"

nathan looks confused, dallon has his eyebrows raised from where he's standing, pouring a glass of wine for joshua, and joshua himself makes a noise that's halfway between a _huff_ and a laugh. "we're, ah, not religious. go ahead and eat."

_this is so awkward and i hate it._

♃☿

tyler's dreams that night are weird. the first few are fairly normal--he can sense the presence of his soulmate, but can't directly interact with him, or see him. the third dream he has, though, isn't his own dream. he knows, because everything in the dream looks faded and washed out, kind of like a sad scene in a movie.

and, truly, it _could_ be a sad scene in a movie. nearby stands a man holding hands with a kid, looking at grave. tyler tries to be quiet as he steps around to look at the grave, and mentally sighs since the letters keep morphing and changing, as do the dates below the name, meaning he can't snoop on his soulmate's dream.

he flinches a little bit when the guy asks, "what are you doing here?" his voice sounds weird--kind of like a handful of voices mushed together--and his face, as usual, isn't clear, but somehow it still looks a little more clear than it usually does.

they... talk, a little bit. they don't get to have a very long conversation before tyler's jerking awake due to rolling off of his bed. it's frustrating, to say the least, but tyler supposes that it's a sign that their bond is getting stronger.

♃☿

tyler wakes up early the next morning, since, after rolling off of his bed, he couldn't get back to sleep, at least not as good as he'd been sleeping before that. he looks at the clock on the table next to his bed, sees that it's half past five in the morning, and figures, _fuck it,_ it's late enough to get up.

he takes a quick shower in the en suite, towels off as quick as he can, and pulls on a pair of tight jeans, and grabs the least eccentric button up he owns, which happens to light blue with pineapples printed all over it. it's a solid shirt, and tyler absolutely does not think twice about grabbing it off the hanger.

he puts on a pair of socks, so that his feet are quiet on the hardwood, as he walks from his room, down the hallway, through part of the living room, through the dining room, and into the kitchen, so he can get a pot of coffee started. tyler doesn't know how anyone in the house takes their coffee, but he's just about to start digging into a canister of foldger's when there's a hand on his arm, and the fucking _butler,_ saying, "let me do that."

"i know how to make coffee," tyler grumbles as he bats dallon's hand away.

"i'm sure you do, but our boss is very particular about how he takes his coffee."

"as am i. can i just make myself a pot of coffee, and you can dump it when i'm done?"

"how do you take your coffee?"

"strong, and i don't trust you enough to _not_ make something watery."

"i do _not_ make watery coffee." dallon looks fucking scandalized.

"great. let me make my own coffee." tyler gives him a _look,_ the kind of look he used to give his siblings when they were doing something he didn't like. "you can dump it out and change the filter when i'm done if it doesn't hold up to mr. dun's expectations."

♃☿

tyler's sitting on the counter in the kitchen reading an article on his phone, drinking coffee he made himself while dallon, who is slowly working his way onto tyler's shitlist, is off doing whatever in a different part of the house when _joshua_ walks in. tyler glances up, and almost spits out his coffee, because, _holy shit._ he's wearing a thin, silk robe, and tyler basically has a perfect view of his ass.

he's obvious about checking joshua's ass out while he's pouring himself a mug of coffee, and pouring the proper amount of creamer into it. tyler lets his gaze drop back down to his phone as joshua's turning around, and only looks up again when his boss is saying, "coffee's good this morning."

"thanks; i made it."

"i can tell. it's not watery," joshua mutters. "any big plans for the day?"

"finish my coffee, wake your kid up, make sure he eats and gets to school, then... i dunno. what am i supposed to do during the day?"

joshua shrugs. "whatever you want, i guess. i have a few meetings to go to this morning, then an interview to film." he's mumbling and it more or less just sounds like a stream of consciousness. "my manager wants to set me up on this, like, _date."_ he yawns before he continues. "he keeps trying to set me up with women, saying it'll be good for my image, or whatever dumb bullshit."

"don't go if you don't want to," tyler tells him.

"he thinks i need to move on." joshua rolls his eyes, seeming a little more awake. "which is stupid. i've already moved on."

tyler nods, acting as empathetic as he possibly can this early in the morning. "inform him of that, and let him know that you want to date at your own pace. you have a kid and a busy career. i don't think it's fair for anyone to expect you to try fostering a new relationship."

"you sure are _wise_ for a twenty two year old."

♃☿

tyler spends a few weeks dancing around josh after getting this job. sure, he's polite towards his boss, and josh's kid really seems to like tyler, but tyler still feels a little awkward being in the house, and, in general, taking up space.

present time, tyler is sitting on the couch in the living room, legs crossed, looking down at his phone, which got boring _very_ quick, when josh darts through the living room, looking for something. once josh is walking _back_ through the living room, he stops half way, looks from the tv, which is off, to tyler, who looks bored out of his mind on the couch, and asks, "what the fuck are you doing?" quickly, and under his breath, tone slightly incredulous.

"sitting...?"tyler turns his phone screen off and looks up at josh.

"aren't you _bored?_ you can watch tv. and--and there's video games. you don't _have_ to just sit there."

"but... this is your home...? i'm, like... kind of a guest...?"

"you're living here for the foreseeable future." josh bends down and nudges the remote across the coffee table. "you're allowed to make yourself comfortable."

♃☿

the first time tyler thinks he has any sort of _bonding_ with josh happens the week before thanksgiving. (he got hired in the middle of october.) it's two in the morning, and he's sitting in the living room with the tv on but muted, folding laundry. dallon had been doing it, but tyler had walked into the room on his way to get a glass of water to find him sleeping sitting up, so he'd shooed him off to bed, figuring he could fold laundry before going back to bed himself.

tyler doesn't hear josh walking up behind him, and doesn't even know he's there until he's asking, "why are you awake so late, and why are _you_ folding laundry?"

"your cleaning lady was asleep sitting up, so i made him go to bed," is what tyler responds to him with once he recovers from being startled. "i'm used to folding laundry, so it's not a big deal." he shrugs, and goes back to folding a towel in the way that most hotels to. "why are you up, if i may ask?"

"woke up with a hankering for a cigarette and a glass of scotch," joshua mutters before sitting on the other side of the coffee table. tyler looks up at him, and has to resist the urge to reach forward and touch his cheek, or some other affectionate bullshit, because he looks so _tired,_ and maybe even a little sad. tyler feels kinda bad for him. "i was having a nice dream, before waking up, and i feel like i can't sleep until i have a drink and a smoke."

"yeah? what were you dreaming about, if i can ask?" tyler's mostly just trying to be friendly, but he's also a little curious.

"you signed a non-disclosure agreement, so technically i can tell you whatever i want," joshua mutters. "i've been sharing a lot of dreams with my soulmate lately, and we were sharing one, but he woke up, and it woke me up, i guess."

"your... soulmate?" tyler's eyebrows shoot up. "wasn't your wife...?"

"oh, no. we were best friends growing up. um. both of our soulmates are, like... a _lot_ younger than we were, and we didn't want to wait around for them, i guess." he shrugs. "i guess i can be done waiting around, since she's dead."

tyler nods. "that's fair, i guess. i've, uh, been sharing a lot with mine. i'm sure it pisses him off, because i wake up, like, numerous times throughout the night, but... i guess my point is that i can definitely relate. it's like.. i graduated college, then suddenly we're sharing more and more dreams. used to be we only shared one like... once a year, if that."

"same with mine, pretty much. once or twice a year, a lot of times less than that, then a few years ago they started happening more and more, and lately, it's been getting ridiculous. do you--do you get the phantom pain thing, at all? no one i know gets it."

"occasionally. i don't know what mine does for a living, but he gets injured once in awhile. usually it's a back or elbow injury. _lately_ he's been having back issues, if my sore back has anything to say about it. it's weird, because, like, my back hurts, but if i move, it doesn't hurt more, y'know?"

joshua nods. "yeah. mine broke his arm... years ago, by now, but the entire time... my arm ached, yet i could still move it, which was super weird. also do you--do you want any help with that, or...?"

"i hate to break it to you, mister dun, but isn't the point of having a glorified cleaning lady, as you'd like to call him, so that you don't _have_ to do household chores?" tyler raises an eyebrow.

"well... _yeah,_ i guess, but he's not doing it right now. you are."

"don't worry about it, man. my birthday's in a few weeks. if you, for whatever reason, want to repay me for folding a basket of laundry, then feel free to do something nice for my birthday."

joshua gives him an even look. "i will look into it."

♃☿

josh is sitting in his office, trying to get his schedule worked out, making sure he's going to be free on thanksgiving. his thanksgiving plans this year are basically the same as last year. he's going to do the cooking himself, and he's going to sit through an awkward dinner with his kid, then they're going to watch a movie before josh inevitably goes to bed early to mope, and dallon's going to take pity on him and keep an eye on nathan while josh is moping.

it's sad and a little pathetic, but that's how it goes every single year. a few hours into working his schedule out, josh sends tyler an email, despite the fact that he could just text him, or even just leave his office for a few minutes to find him, since he's home, given nathan is at school right now.

the email is short and simple-- _"if you're free, i'd like to have a word with you. i'm in my office."--_ and within fifteen minutes, tyler's knocking gently and opening the door. josh doesn't look up at him, and only starts speaking once the door is closed again. "what are your plans for thanksgiving?"

"i have plans to make myself scarce, and to eat pizza at a friend's apartment while her and her girlfriend visit family. why?"

"you're not going to visit any of your family?" josh looks up at him, one eyebrow up, looking a touch curious.

"i told you i basically got disowned, right? also, my family lives in ohio, and i don't want to drive there, nor do i want to spend money on plane tickets, and that's if they'd even talk to me."

josh remembers that he really needs to learn to use his brain-to-mouth filter, because he finds himself asking, "why don't you just stay here?" before he can stop himself. tyler was looking sad, he reasons with himself, and he just doesn't think someone deserves to feel lonely on a holiday. "i mean... if i'm being honest with you, i wouldn't mind having an extra person around, especially since dallon usually makes himself a plate, then fucks off to eat in the kitchen, since he's weird."

"are you sure? isn't that... a little unprofessional?" tyler tilts his head, and toys with the cuffs on his button up. "and... wouldn't i be intruding?"

"not at all. i'm inviting you. also, my cooking sure as shit beats eating pizza, alone."

"if you want... i could help you cook...? i'm--i'm not half bad at cooking, and, uh, when i was living at home, i'd always help my mom cook."

josh decides to point at one of the chairs in front of his desk with his pen, and tyler takes the hint to sit, all poised and proper, and josh holds back a laugh at how he tries just a little too hard. "what all would you want to cook, or even eat, really?"

"whatever you're willing to eat, i guess. i mean, pumpkin pie and cranberry sauce are my only musts, aside from turkey. other than that... the options are endless."

"usually i go for a turkey breast, pumpkin pie, potatoes, and maybe a vegetable."

"no offense, but that's... kind of sad. how about... we do all of that, plus a pumpkin spice cheesecake, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and, like, a few other hors d'oeuvres. enough to have a variety in the meal, and to have plenty of leftovers. i don't know how big you are on leftovers, but, thanksgiving leftovers are _the best."_

"you know what? all of that sounds great. a fuck of a lot better than what i usually do. _how about_ you write all of that down, and i will make sure someone buys the ingredients?"

tyler holds a hand out for a pen and something to write on, and josh is able to provide him with that.

♃☿

tyler gets most of his own cooking done early in the morning before either josh or nathan wakes up, and he's surprised to see that dallon isn't up at the ass crack of dawn for once, at least up until he's sauntering into the kitchen, looking tired as fuck, in a t-shirt and sweatpants, muttering, "i'm off on holidays," when tyler questions his attire, and the fact that he slept in until eight in the morning.

dallon pours himself a mug of coffee, and sits on one of the bar stools behind the counter where tyler's mixing together the filling for a pumpkin spice cheesecake, just like he'd promised josh. tyler dips a spoon into it, and smacks his lips together a bit after tasting it, frowning, since it tastes just a touch off. he dips the spoon into it again, and hands it over the counter. "tell me what's wrong with this."

dallon holds up a finger, and yawns, before taking the spoon from tyler and tasting it. he seems to consider his answer for a few minutes before saying anything. "add half a teaspoon of salt, another egg or a spoon full of mayonnaise, a teaspoon of ginger and cinnamon, a cap full of vanilla extract, and if you have any pumpkin puree left, add maybe half a cup more of that as well. the cream cheese is a little too overpowering, and it's... bland."

tyler listens to him, and it winds up being perfect. "you're a genius."

"not really. i went to culinary school for eight years."

"no shit?" tyler's looking over his shoulder at him as he's grabbing the graham cracker crust he'd made about an hour ago in preparation for the cheese cake filling. "you went to culinary school, yet you're a butler?"

"the economy sucks, and gourmet chefs aren't really in high demand right now." he takes a drink of his coffee before changing the subject. "why are you cooking so early?"

"our boss said i could make a few dishes if i wanted. most of what i'm making needs to be in the fridge for the majority of the day, so... i'm starting early." tyler uses a rubber spatula to start transferring the filling into the cake pan.

"tap that on the counter a few times to get the air bubbles out," dallon tells him. "what all are you making?"

"this, pumpkin pie, and deviled eggs." tyler grunts as he's sliding the cake into the oven, and setting the timer for forty minutes. "whenever boss man gets up, he's supposed to get started on the turkey. i'm gonna help him with the stuffing, and with the mashed potatoes."

"interesting." dallon's one word response sounds like he's implying something, but his tone gives away the fact that he doesn't give a shit.

♃☿

if tyler could, he'd suck his own dick.

he manages to talk dallon into sitting in the dining room with everyone else for dinner (which took four minutes of bickering with him), and he manages to get josh to smile, which is a feat in itself, since josh had spent most of the day looking kind of like a kicked puppy.

even nathan talks a little bit, which is something he tries to avoid as much as possible. of course, he only talks because josh says, "why don't we go around and all say what we're thankful for?" since it'd been a little too long since anyone had said anything. he looks to his son with a soft smile on his face. "nate, would you... like to go first?"

the fond look on josh's face makes tyler's stomach do a few flip flops, but he ignores it, in favor of giving nathan an encouraging look and a smile of his own.

"i'm--uh--i'm..." nathan clenches and unclenches his fist a few times, trying to get the words to come to him. "i'm th-tha-tha-thankful. i'm thankful for--for t-t-t-t-tyler, a-and, m-m-my d-dad, and--and m-mister--mister weekes." nathan looks like he has more to say, but tyler reaches a hand across the table, mostly for a high five, and to signal that he doesn't have to say anything else if he doesn't want to.

nathan gives him a high five, and grins. tyler's heart clenches because he's fucking adorable. one of the best parts about this job is that kid, who tyler cares about more than he thought he would. (he figures that's good, though. he thinks he'd be a shit nanny if he didn't care about nathan.)

josh even gives nathan a high five, which tyler wasn't expecting him to do, but he does it anyways. after that, josh tilts his head to the side, and makes eye contact with dallon, who is at the other end of the table, as far away from everyone as possible. (tyler managed to get him to stay in the same room, but he's not a miracle worker.) "how about you?"

"i'm... very thankful for my job security, and my insurance. i'm... also thankful for these potatoes, so, thank you, tyler." he holds up his wine glass in tyler's direction, and tyler holds his own up, as if to propose a toast to the mashed potatoes. (wherea's dallon's drinking a white wine, tyler's just drinking sparkling cider, since he prefers to not drink.)

tyler goes next without any prompting from josh. "i'm thankful for dallon, who does my laundry most weeks, and you, josh, for signing my paychecks, and also for making this _bomb_ turkey. oh, what else..." tyler acts like he's thinking, tapping on his chin, before looking across the table at nathan. "of course! i'm _very_ thankful for this little bundle of sunshine, who i have the pleasure of seeing every single day." they high five again, and tyler looks at josh. "how about you?"

"uh... well, most of all, i am thankful for my son, because he is the reason i'm alive, and i love him more than anything." josh leans over, and kisses his son on the cheek, nice and cute. "i'm thankful for you, dallon, because you are the glue that holds my life together. without you, i would be lost."

"i'm aware," dallon drawls, nice and dry, before taking a sip of his wine.

josh rolls his eyes before moving on. "and you, mister joseph. i'm thankful for you too. you've only been here for a month and a half, and in that time, this house has become a much happier place. so, really, thank you for that."

tyler smiles sweetly. "just doing my job."

♃☿

dallon disappears into a hallway with a half empty bottle of crown, muttering something about getting drunk in his room, as tyler, josh, and nathan are settling into the living room to watch a movie. (tyler was going to just go sit in his bedroom and listen to music, or something, but josh had invited him to watch frozen with him and nathan.)

it's... a movie, that's for sure. tyler enjoys it about as much as a twenty two year old man can enjoy a disney movie, at least. nathan ends up falling asleep about halfway through the movie, wrapped in an afghan, with his head on tyler's thigh. josh winds up going to his own bedroom about two thirds of the way through the movie, saying something about being tired.

tyler sits through the rest of the movie before waking nathan up, and taking him up to his bedroom to help him get ready for bed. (nathan can pretty much get ready for bed on his own, but he usually needs help reaching the clothes in his closet since he's too short to do it himself. tyler also tends to read him a story before bed, because nathan always looks up at him with his wide, puppy dog eyes, expecting him to read him something. tyler can't say no to puppy dog eyes.)

once nathan's asleep, again, tyler turns the lamp off in the kid's room, and slips out, closing the door as quietly as possible. he passes by josh's room on his way towards the stairs, so he decides to poke his head in once he notices the lights are still on. (josh didn't bother closing his bedroom door.) "hey, sorry if i'm interrupting," tyler starts, speaking soft and quiet as to not startle josh, "but i just put nathan to bed."

josh is sitting on his bed, looking at something that's in his lap. he glances at tyler, and nods, saying, "alright."

his voice sounds... kind of rough, and it cracks at the end of 'alright.' "hey, are you okay?"

josh sighs a little loudly, and he opens his mouth to say something, but tyler's heart drops into his stomach, because josh's chin and bottom lip start quivering a little bit. he decides to step fully into the room, closing the door behind him to give either of them a little privacy. tyler figures he should just leave him alone, but his gut tells him to do something.

tyler walks across the room, keeping his feet light on the floor. he does snoop, and looks at what's in josh's lap. it's a photo of him and his wife, who, in the photo, looks about ready to pop. tyler notices the mark on her arm, knowing full well that it matches jenna's mark. he doesn't say anything, though, because josh is sniffing, and trying to hold back a sob.

"can i touch you?" tyler figures he should ask before he potentially makes josh uncomfortable. "or do you want me to go?"

josh reaches over to place the photo face down on his nightstand, and wipes at one of his eyes, which, really, doesn't do much. he scoots over in his bed a few feet, and pats the place next to him, meaning for tyler to sit.

tyler... sits. he winds up sitting in front of josh, though, instead of next to him. he's getting a sense of deja vu as he holds his hands towards josh, who takes them in his own, and it's not until josh leans forward to place his head on tyler's shoulder that tyler realizes why he's getting that sense of deja vu. he thinks back to that dream he had, where his soulmate was on the floor in a hospital room, and tyler sat in front of him in the dream, trying to comfort him.

tyler fumbles through nursing josh through his anxiety attack, trying to get him to breathe, up until josh is curled into his chest. he's not hyperventilating like he was, but he's still shaking, and tyler's running his fingers through his hair, since that seems to soothe him. "you're gonna be okay, buddy," tyler tells him, resisting the urge to press a gentle kiss to his forehead. everything in him wants to baby josh right now, but he doesn't want to make things weird. (or at least weirder than they already are.)

"i don't even know why i'm so fucking _sad,"_ he states. his voice sounds rougher than it did before, since he was doing his best to stay quiet throughout the worst of the anxiety attack. "she's been _dead_ for _six years._ she's not even my soulmate."

"you loved her, though. you have a kid with her, and you were married to her. didn't you say she was your best friend, too? i think i'd be pretty heartbroken too if my best friend died. it's not bad that you feel this way, bud. your feelings are _very_ valid."

"holidays are always awful. you should see me on christmas. jesus." josh sniffles, and wipes his hand under his nose. tyler rubs his back. "i'm such a shit parent too."

"you're not a shit parent."

"yeah i am. didn't you hear him at dinner? it's like he had to remind himself to say he's thankful for me."

"he's _six._ six year olds don't really have the wherewithal to think before they speak. i mean, man, i gave him a cookie this morning, so he was probably thinking about that, if i'm being honest with you. like--i've raised three different kids pretty much, and i'll tell you right now--they never mean anything to be personal, and i'm positive he didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"i feel like he doesn't _need_ me." josh frowns at nothing.

"that is absolutely not true, so stop that. you should hear him talk about you when you're not around. he thinks you're _so cool._ he's always talking about how you're the _bestest_ baseball player in the whole wide _world,_ and about how you're the best _dad_ in the world. he _adores_ you."

"i also just feel like i could do better. i mean--jesus--do you know how many nannies i've gone through?"

"you probably could, but parenting isn't something you go into with all the knowledge in the world. he's your only kid, so no one's expecting you to be an expert. you also have a career and you have people that work for you that depend on your career. also, on the nannies topic--that's fine. i'm not judging you. i think hiring a nanny is the responsible choice, especially since you're a single parent, and since string bean is far from qualified to take care of a kid for more than a day or two."

they sit there in silence for awhile, and tyler keeps touching josh's hair, comforting him. it's getting late at this point, and tyler has to will himself from yawning. to be honest, he's close to nodding off when josh _finally_ says something else. "i keep waiting for my soulmate to come along, and to fix everything. i--i know that's a lot of pressure to put on someone, but i just feel like everything would be perfect if i met him. i could fall in love with him, for the first time in my fucking life, and nathan would have two parents, and i wouldn't have to pay someone to take care of him in my absence. i--i could have someone to come home to, y'know? i feel like it's stupid to want that--"

"--it's not--"

"--but... i'm such a fucking mess."

"i haven't--i haven't met mine yet, but... honestly, i think you meet your soulmate when you need them the most. maybe now isn't the right time, y'know? he'll come along eventually, joshua."

josh nods, albeit reluctantly. "i guess so. i think i need to go bed, otherwise i'm gonna just keep making myself _sad."_ he slowly detaches himself from tyler, and sits up, scrubbing at his eyes, which are a little raw.

"do you want me to go?"

josh doesn't make eye contact with him as he shakes his head 'no.'

♃☿

tyler falls asleep spooning josh, and for a moment, he thinks he's woken up the next morning, up until he sees the clock on the nightstand is sort of glitching out. the numbers are changing rapidly, and won't stay the same for more than a few seconds, so that's how tyler knows it's a dream.

the room itself changes from josh's bedroom to a bedroom he doesn't recognize after he decides that blinking is a wise choice. (dreams are weird--things can change in, literally, the blink of an eye, and it's disorienting.)

the bedroom tyler's in looks like a dorm room, if anything, and he pokes around it for a moment before hearing someone speak to him in that weird multitude of voices sort of voice. "how many more dreams do you think we're going to share before we meet?" the voice asks.

tyler turns around, only to be faced with what he assumes is a younger version of his soulmate. his soulmate is tall, and broad, but this person isn't as broad, and his hair is... kind of long. his face isn't quite clear, and tyler can't seem to focus on it. "i don't know," is what he answers with.

his soulmate huffs, and tyler smiles a little sadly. "how long do you think we have before you wake yourself up on accident?"

"depends, i guess." tyler shrugs. "i'm sharing a bed with someone tonight, and he's pretty comfortable, so i really don't know."

"me too."

"you're sharing a bed with someone?"

"yeah." his soulmate doesn't get any more specific than that, and tyler is a little disappointed, but he doesn't say anything.

"so, uh... where are we?"

"my dorm room from college, i think. it wasn't quite like this, but... it's similar." his soulmate plops down onto one of the beds. "i was sitting in that desk over there when you broke your arm." his soulmate points, and tyler turns to see a desk with an _old_ computer on it.

"how do you know i broke my arm?" tyler frowns, and he's confused.

"phantom pains. or sympathy pains. the articles i read used both terms. phantom pain sounds cooler, though. do you get that? the pain thing?"

"a little bit. i don't think you've had any major injuries in my lifetime, because the most i get is a little bit of aching here and there in my back." tyler walks over to the bed across from his soulmate, and sits on it. "what's your name?"

"it's a secret."

"why?" tyler's confused again.

"if we meet, i don't want it to be planned. i want the experience to be as organic as possible."

"oh. what about what i want?" tyler tilts his head.

"do you really want to meet me right now?"

"i mean... i've always wanted to meet you, ever since i was little. can i at least ask how old you are?"

"i was ten when you were born. you're twenty three, right?"

"i turn twenty three in december," tyler tells him. "does that make you thirty three?"

"i think so. would you really want me right now?"

"of course i would!" tyler's offended. "i'd want you no matter what. i--i know we haven't met, and that i don't know much about you, but i do love you, more than anything. i think about you all the time."

"it's weird, right? how much we love each other?"

"it's pretty weird." tyler can't be offended anymore, because he's laughing lightly. he crosses the space between the two beds, and sits next to his soulmate so he can hug him. his soulmate hugs back, and tyler whispers, "i can't wait to meet you," into his neck."


	3. Chapter 3

tyler's birthday falls on a sunday, and on that sunday, josh happens to be on a flight to sunny california, meaning tyler winds up spending the day with nathan, which is more than alright with him. the only hitch in the giddy up is that jenna wants to take him out for coffee, and although tyler feels awkward about bringing nathan with him, jenna seems more than happy about him tagging along.

(tyler does text josh and ask him for permission to bring nathan with him, explaining that it's his birthday and that, aside from this, he doesn't have any plans to celebrate. josh gives him permission, and even goes out of his way to give tyler fifty dollars via a direct deposit, saying that coffee's on him as a birthday gift.)

♃☿

"oh, isn't he _adorable!"_ jenna's gushing as soon as her eyes land on nathan. nathan hides his face in tyler's shoulder, cheeks red. (he gets all bashful whenever anyone pays attention to him.)

tyler looks at nathan, and quietly asks, "do you wanna say hi?"

he does say hi, except he doesn't move his face from tyler's shoulder, and tyler smiles softly.

jenna's grin is filled with sunshine. she already adores him; tyler can tell.

"he's shy," he explains as he follows her into a starbucks.

it takes about ten minutes for them to get their order (a grande caramel macchiato for tyler, a grande peppermint mocha for jenna, and a short hot chocolate for nathan) which tyler pays for before jenna can say anything about it. she gives him a raised eyebrows sort of look, and tyler explains that josh spotted him a fifty to cover coffee as a birthday present.

"how's work?" jenna asks as she stirs her drink with her straw.

tyler shrugs, and warns nathan to let his drink cool before trying to drink it, since it's hot, before answering her. "even if i wanted to, i can't legally tell you. i signed a non disclosure agreement when he hired me. anything that happens in that household, i'm not allowed to talk about, basically."

jenna makes a farting noise with her mouth, and nathan giggles at her. she smiles at him before replying to tyler. "that's _lame._ can you at least tell me if its good or bad?"

"oh, it's _good,_ and i'd be more inclined to actually talk to you about stuff if we weren't in a starbucks." specifically the fact that josh's dead wife is apparently jenna's dead soulmate, judging by the mark on either of their arms. tyler's still in shock about that, but he doesn't think now's the time to tell jenna, and that, if anything, he should talk to josh first.

"fair enough. how are things going with your soulmate? still having wicked dreams?"

tyler nods. "god, yeah. last night i had one of the more intense ones. we had a conversation. mostly it was about the fact that he's older than me, and about our bond. i slept really good last night, so the dream was fairly long...? it was odd. usually one of us wakes up unexpectedly."

"i used to talk to mine sometimes. she was really sweet, i think. i never got to know her, obviously, but... yeah. one time she helped me with math homework, because i was having a nightmare about it."

tyler laughs a little bit. "really? that's nice."

jenna nods. she looks a little sad, and tyler gives himself a minute to feel bad for her, at least until nathan's tugging on his sleeve, and making a grabby hand towards his phone. tyler's found that letting him play candy crush, or whatever other child friendly games he has on his phone is a good way to keep him occupied and calm in public, so tyler opens candy crush, and hands his phone to the kid.

he bullshits with jenna for another ten minutes or so, before she's leaning over to look at tyler's phone, and saying, "is he supposed to be texting?"

tyler's eyes widen, and he leans over to look at his phone as well. he doesn't yank it away from nathan, since that would probably make him upset, but he does hold his hand out, asking, "hey, nate, buddy? can i see my phone for a sec?"

he's more than willing to hand it back, and tyler is _mortified_ as he reads through his conversation with josh. (he usually only texts josh when he has non-urgent questions regarding nathan.)

♃☿

_**tyler - 8:21 am** _

_hope your flight went well. do you mind if i take nathan with me while i go get coffee with a friend of mine? it's my birthday, and i don't have any other plans to celebrate, aside from this. if it's not okay, that's fine. :)_

_**josh - 8:27 am** _

_i don't mind, as long as your friend isn't weird. also, happy birthday. i kind of forgot about your birthday? sorry. i feel like it's something i should know, given i'm your boss. and i did say i was going to pay you back for folding laundry. which... sounds weird. coffee's on me. think of it as a birthday present!_

_**josh - 10:34 am** _

_hey i just got a call from nate's doctor; his speech therapy is tomorrow. you should be listed as one of his caretakers? if not, you're a distant relative, haha. i can't be there to take him, and it's important that he goes. it's at ten. i'll email you the address when i'm in my hotel again. (also, after his speech therapy, i usually take him out to eat before taking him back to school, so if possible, i'd appreciate if you could do that. he's usually anxious after his speech therapy, and having a little time to decompress always helps.)_

_**tyler - 10:35 am** _

_nathan_

_**josh -**_ _**10:35 am**_

_yes, that is my son...?_

_**tyler - 10:37 am** _

_dad_

_**josh - 10:38 am** _

_tyler. that is very unprofessional._

_**tyler - 10:45 am** _

_i am so sorry. i'm in starbucks with my friend, and i let your son use my phone to play a game. i don't think he can read or write anything other than the alphabet, your name, his name, and 'dad,' apparently. again, i am so sorry._

_**josh - 10:50 am** _

_i don't think i've ever laughed that hard. it's okay. i was very confused for a moment. tell him that i said hi and that i love him, and that i'll be home as soon as i can._

_**tyler - 10:52 am** _

_he giggled and didn't say anything, but he looks very happy. he's not talking a whole lot today, and i don't want to force him. anyways, you need to do your work stuff, and i need to do my coffee slash taking care of your son stuff, lol. good luck. (also, he wants my phone back, so if you get any more weird texts from me, it's him.)_

♃☿

tyler has to run a few errands after getting coffee with jenna, mainly stopping at a store to get himself a pack of socks before he forgets, and anything else that he decides to buy on impulse. it's his birthday, and he reasons that he can treat himself for at _least_ one day. (dallon also decided to email tyler a short list of groceries, all of which are very specific, so he figures he can get those while he's out.)

it doesn't take him long to get everything--he's able to stop at walmart, and leave with everything he needs. he's sitting in one of josh's cars, and nathan's buckled into the back seat, nodding off, so tyler takes a moment to check his phone before heading back. (he also just needs a minute to breathe, since he's been basically working non stop since he woke up.)

the first thing that tyler does is check his conversation with josh, and he mutters, _"oh, for fucks sake,"_ under his breath, since the conversation is definitely longer that it was the last time he looked. the first message past tyler telling josh how nathan responded is a blurry photo of nathan's face, and part of tyler's chin, from when they were in walmart.

josh's response makes tyler start laughing. (quietly, of course. he doesn't want to wake nathan up.)

♃☿

_**josh - 11:17 am** _

_nathan, why are you on tyler's phone?_

♃☿

the next message is a christmas tree emoji and a blurry image of tyler looking at a pack of socks.

♃☿

_**josh - 11:26 am** _

_you're not supposed to be texting on tyler's phone, mister._

♃☿

tyler smiles down at his phone. the idea of josh scolding his son over text is cute to him. the next message from tyler (or nathan, really) after that is another poorly taken selfie. tyler's in the background of it, grabbing a smoothie from one of the fridges.

♃☿

_**josh - 11:34 am** _

_nathan, you should give tyler his phone back._

_**josh - 11:35 am** _

_i act as if he can read this. tyler, when you get your phone back--i want to know why you keep allowing my son to have access to it._

_**tyler - 11:52 am** _

_he was whining at me and i think he needed something to fidget with. either that or he wanted to talk to you. again, i am so sorry about this._

_**josh - 11:54 am** _

_it's ok. i'm having a long morning so it was actually appreciated, haha. also, can i ask what the two of you were doing?_

_**tyler - 11:57 am** _

_i needed a pack of socks, and dallon emailed me a list of groceries to pick up while i was out, so that's what i was doing. i need to get back home, because it's kind of cold in the car, and i need to get my socks sorted. hope the rest of your day goes well. don't stress too hard about it._

♃☿

tyler wakes up a little early the next morning, due to his back aching something fierce. once he's awake and has the mental capacity to do it, he sits up and stretches a bit, to see if it's actually his back. it's not, of course, and he finds himself muttering curses and comments about how his soulmate really needs to get his back issues checked out, because, at this point, it's getting ridiculous.

nathan doesn't need to be up until seven, so tyler sits in the kitchen to pester dallon for awhile. (it's a quarter until six when he's lifting himself onto the counter to watch dallon work on breakfast.) " _so,_ what're you making?"

"french toast and scrambled eggs. do you want me to give you a step by step on what i'm doing?"

"my favorite thing is that when i started working here, you were super polite, but now that i've been here awhile, you're kind of a dick."

"it's because i know you aren't going to snitch on me for copping an attitude. not that boss man would particularly care, of course, but i'm not overly fond of confrontation." he shrugs, and dumps a few teaspoons of espresso powder into the egg mixture he's using for the french toast. tyler thinks it's weird, but he's also not the one who went to culinary school for eight years, so he doesn't question it. "any plans for today?"

"i'm gonna get nathan up in about half an hour. he has speech therapy today, and mister dun wants me to take him. he said something about how he's always anxious after the speech therapy, so i'm a little worried about that." tyler scratches at his chin a little bit before reaching to his left towards the coffee pot. he manages to make himself a cup of coffee (albeit without any creamer) without getting off of the counter.

while tyler's fumbling around trying to make his coffee without moving, dallon answers him. "boss man usually takes him out to eat, to my knowledge. i've had to take him a few times, and he usually does fine as long as he gets to go to mcdonald's or something afterward."

"that's what he said, about the eating part. something about how the habit is good, or whatever."

♃☿

tyler doesn't have any issue telling the receptionist at the children's neurobehavioral place that nathan's speech therapy is at that he's his primary caretaker, and signing him in for his appointment. there's a table in the waiting room with colored pencils and printed out coloring book pages, so tyler leads the six year old towards that table, and he sits on the floor on the other side of it, while nathan sits in one of the tiny plastic chairs.

they color a cartoon image of a kitten together, tyler working on the background of it, while nathan works on the fun stuff. tyler has about a fourth of the background colored in with blue when he asks, "are you excited?"

nathan shakes his head, and doesn't look up at tyler as he grabs a purple colored pencil, deciding it's the perfect color for the eyes. "i don't--i don't--i don't like--don't like ta-talkin'. it's _ssscary._ " he gulps, and swallows a few more times after that, and tyler nods understandingly.

"i understand, bud. talking can be scary sometimes. it just takes a lot of practice and willpower. and... i mean, i don't think there's anything necessarily bad about _not_ talking. some people don't talk, and it's okay."

" _mmm-_ m-my--my dad--he thinks--he thinks that i--that i--that i g-gotta."

tyler goes to say something to nathan, something that any trained and certified counselor would say, but there's a nurse poking her head out of a door, and reading from a clipboard, asking for him. nathan stands up, and looks to tyler, who honestly had plans to just sit in the waiting room, given he's not his parent. he has a handful of distinct looks that tyler's learned to read so far, and this one is questioning if tyler's going to go with him.

tyler stands up, sticks the colored pencil in the cup, and picks up the cat they'd been coloring together, and takes hold of nathan's hand, letting him lead the way towards the nurse. tyler holds nathan's jacket and shoes while the nurse is taking his vitals, and once she leaves after doing that, he helps him get his shoes back on. he's a little _confused_ about all the vitals being taken, not thinking they're necessary for speech therapy, but he doesn't question it.

the room they're in is weirdly homey in the way that children hospitals always are. there's a couch against one wall, and there's a few children's books on a table nearby, plus a lego set and a few sixteen piece puzzles. there's a desk and a chair in the room as well, which tyler assumes is where the speech therapy person is going to sit.

the couch isn't that comfortable. the cushions are thin, and after five minutes of sitting in it, tyler's ass is already sore. they're there together for a total of ten or so minutes before nathan's speech therapist is walking in. she's young, maybe a few years older than tyler, if that, and she's very nonthreatening. she's the kind of person that tyler isn't surprised works in a field like this, by the looks of it.

she introduces herself to tyler, and tyler introduces himself back, explaining that he's nathan's current nanny. the appointment itself is sort of... weird. there's a few moments where nathan starts getting panicky, and looks to tyler, and every time, tyler gives him a thumbs up and a soft smile, wordlessly encouraging him. (at least aside from the few times he says, "you're doing good, nate. keep going.")

they're there for an hour and a half before being able to leave, but before that, nathan's speech therapist talks to tyler about a few things, saying that it's very important that he talks as much as he can, but not to force him, and that positive reinforcement is the way to go when he does speak. tyler nods, and explains that he's a certified counselor, and that he's also technically a trained social work, and knows how to work with children. (he may or may not do this to stroke his own ego.)

♃☿

tyler thinks their morning is going _great._ after speech therapy, nathan isn't wanting to speak, and tyler takes the therapist's advice--he doesn't force him. tyler tries to speak to him in yes or no questions, even--trying to make everything as easy as possible.

they go out to eat at mcdonald's, and tyler carries him on his hip, going through everything on the dollar menu, until nathan finally nods yes to a mcchicken. they eat, and if tyler's being honest, they have fun.

things take a sharp turn _down_ when tyler approaches the idea of bringing nathan back to school, nice and gentle. at that, he shakes his head _no._ tyler sighs, and he feels bad, but he doesn't know how josh would feel about letting nathan skip school for the rest of the day.

they're in the car, in the parking lot at a gas station, while tyler tries to convince him that school is going to be fine, and that it's actually going to be fun, and that it's a good idea to go. "how about if you go to school, i'll let you have an extra hour of video games when you get home, yeah?"

nathan still shakes his head, chin starting to quiver just a little bit.

"bud, i know you don't want to, but you really need to go to school, alright? it's very important that you go. education is important, and i can't--i can't let you stay home, not unless you're sick."

they go back and forth for another minute or so until it sinks in for nathan that tyler isn't taking no for an answer, despite how nice he's being about it. it's _then_ that the waterworks start flowing, and tyler feels fucking _awful._ tyler tries waiting it out, because he has three siblings--he knows how tantrums work, and that they usually resolve themselves within ten minutes, but after sitting in the car for twenty minutes, trying to calm nathan down, tyler realizes-- _oh shit--_ he's having an anxiety attack.

once he realizes that, he's quick to change his whole tune. "hey, nathan, honey, you need to breathe, okay?" the kid opens his eyes and looks to tyler. he looks confused and scared and _upset_ and, yeah, alright, tyler feels guilty. he's not afraid to use that word to describe how he's feeling. tyler tries walking him through breathing exercises, and it helps a little bit, but it's still not quite enough.

the next few events happen too quick for tyler to process, but he thinks that, between crying and hyperventilating, nathan chokes on his spit, and starts coughing hard enough to gag himself, and the next thing tyler knows the six year old is opening the car door and throwing up. not all of it hits the ground outside, and some of it lands on the seat and the interior of the car.

nathan starts trying to apologize, acting like he's going to be punished, but tyler tells him it's okay. he unbuckles his seat belt, and gets out of the driver's side of the car, and walks around to the passenger's side to assess the damage. (he probably shouldn't let a six year old ride in the passenger's side, but he knows it makes nathan feel important, and on this day specifically, he figured he could let it slide.)

♃☿

tyler gets back to the house about an hour later. he carries nathan inside. dallon happens to be in the foyer, wiping down one of the tables with lysol, and he gives tyler a raised eyebrows sort of look when he sees him carrying nathan. "he's supposed to be at school."

"i'm not making him go to school today," tyler mumbles as he kicks the door closed behind him. he puts nathan down on the bench in the foyer, and helps him get his shoes off before he takes his own shoes off. "he had an anxiety attack in the car, and threw up from it. um. there's spit up inside of the car, and if that's too much for you, i can clean it, but--"

"--i'll do it. you don't know how to disinfect a car; i do."

"exactly. anyways i... need to go get this one changed, and... i need to change myself." tyler gestures at his own shirt, since he wound up somehow getting spit up on himself as well. "also need to call his school, and call our boss."

♃☿

tyler puts nathan down for a nap once he gets him cleaned up and changed back into pajamas.

his first call is to nathan's school. all he says is that the kid threw up after his therapy appointment, and that he wasn't fit to go to school for the rest of the day. the receptionist on the phone sounds more than sympathetic.

tyler's next call is to joshua. he texts him first, and asks him if he's busy, and when he says that he's not, tyler presses the call button. _"did something happen?"_ is what he answers the phone with.

"um... sort of. i took nate to his speech therapy thing, and he did _really_ good. we went to mcdonald's afterward, and that went good as well, but when i was going to bring him back to school, he started crying...? i thought it was just a tantrum so i was going to just let him get through it, but, as it turns out, he had an anxiety attack. i tried my best to calm him down as effectively as possible, but there's only so much you can do in a car in a gas station parking lot with a six year old, and, uh... he kind of threw up because of it? anyways--i just wanted to call and tell you that i don't think it's the best idea that he goes back to school today. i think what's most important is that he gets some rest, because he's... really tuckered out."

the other end of the line is silent, and out of everything tyler thought he'd say, he wasn't expecting him to say, _"um. thank you. i--i never know what to do when that happens to him...? what you said, about not going back to school today--that's fine. i agree--he needs to rest. um. i don't know what else to say, because, uh, it sounds like you handled everything."_

"i'm just doing my job. no need to thank me, sir. anyways... yeah. he's napping right now. i'm gonna let him sleep for a few hours, then get him up and let him play video games for a bit, or something."

♃☿

josh gets home from a business trip on christmas eve, and he feels his heart swelling with affection when he comes home to find his son (and tyler) on the floor in the living room cutting snowflakes out of printer paper.

he's also surprised to see that most of the downstairs of the house is decorated to look festive, and he's bending down to sit on the floor next to nathan when dallon's basically up his ass, saying, "i tried to tell him not to decorate, but he insisted--"

"hey, man, it's fine. i don't mind the decorations." josh shoos his glorified cleaning lady off, because he wants to focus on his son. nathan is grinning the widest josh has ever seen him, and he just looks so _happy_ to see that he's home. "what're you doin' bud?" josh asks, as he takes a piece of printer paper in his hands.

nathan doesn't say anything, but rather points at a few of the snowflakes they'd already made.

tyler's the one who actually answers. "making snowflakes." he hands josh a pair of scissors. "sorry about the mess, but, i figured it'd be a fun activity." josh shoos the thought out of his mind as soon as it enters, but, he really, _really_ loves the apologetic little grin tyler gives him.

"it's cool. i never have time to decorate, or to do anything like this." josh shrugs his coat off after saying this, and sets it on the coffee table before he folds a piece of printer paper in half, deciding that he's going to make a snowflake. "how long did it take you to decorate?"

"oh, god, awhile," tyler answers. "we've been decorating for, like, three days now. we've had fun though, haven't we, nate?" tyler looks at nathan, and josh really thinks he needs to control his thoughts, because he _really_ likes the way tyler looks so freaking encouraging and supportive.

nathan smiles. "yeah. f-fun."

josh is quick to crumble and to give in to an urge he has to kiss nathan's cheek. nathan, like any other six year old, wipes his cheek off and makes a face, but josh just smiles.

♃☿

tyler loves christmas, wholeheartedly and unironically. he has plans to go sit in jenna's apartment with her and ashley, getting drunk on eggnog, but before he leaves, joshua invites him to spend christmas with him and nathan. tyler kind of wants to decline, just because he doesn't want to intrude, but joshua is an empathetic person, and tyler also sort of gets the vibe that he's asking as a favor to nathan.

tyler's surprised to find out that he's the recipient of a few presents. the first present he opens is from joshua, and it's a windbreaker, looking like it was pulled straight from the nineties. if anything, it's the exact kind of thing tyler would wear, so he gets up and gives joshua a quick, gentle hug, saying, "thank you, mister dun."

joshua pats him on the back, and tyler's quick to detach himself, mentally muttering something about needing to keep it professional. his second gift comes from nathan, and it's a homemade card. it's about as messy as you'd expect a homemade card coming from a six year old to be, but tyler loves it more than anything, and it makes him smile like a dumb-ass, because it's such a sweet gift. tyler opens it, and he recognizes the handwriting in it as joshua's handwriting. it's a sentimental note that tyler's sure nathan told him to write, and, yeah, it's... very fucking sweet.

tyler's not a materialistic person, really, and both of these gifts have touched him. he feels bad, and apologizes, saying, "i'm sorry i didn't get either of you anything. i, uh, was expecting to spend christmas somewhere else, so... y'know." he shrugs, and rubs his thumb over one of the glitter foam letters on the card nathan gave him.

nathan shakes his head, and crawls across the floor so he can give tyler a big hug, and joshua mouths, "it's okay," at him with a gentle smile on his face.

♃☿

tyler's sitting on the couch around one thirty, trying to will himself to go to bed rather than look at twitter on his phone, when joshua's walking into the room carrying two mugs, asking, "do you drink?"

tyler raises an eyebrow at him. "depends on what it is."

"eggnog."

fuck. tyler loves eggnog. he reaches up as joshua approaches the couch, and takes one of the mugs from him. "what's it spiked with?"

"three shots of rum."

"oh, fuck yeah," he mumbles quietly before taking a sip. "haven't had good eggnog in a few years." he sits up after his initial sip, just so he doesn't risk spilling the drink on the very expensive looking couch. "isn't it a little unprofessional for you to be drinking with an employee, mister dun?"

joshua shrugs. "oh, _probably,_ but it's christmas, man. also, please just call me josh. mister dun sounds so _weird._ i hate it. i know it's professional or whatever, but it's just so _weird."_

"alright, _josh."_ tyler feels weird saying that, but he likes how it rolls off of his tongue better than the alternative. "how's your christmas so far?"

"fine, i guess. kind of... sad, but i'm always sad on holidays. to be honest, i'm a little surprised i'm not shitfaced right now. usually i start drinking by five on christmas." he shrugs, and tyler feels his heart stutter a bit. he wants to hug him, but he refrains. one hug is enough. "too much?"

"not at all. i understand. since i turned twenty one, i've always just spent christmas getting sauced on my old roommates couch, feeling sorry for myself. i haven't talked to my parents in... four and a half years now? not since i graduated high school, so i haven't spent christmas with them in five years. they're stupid, and think soulmates need to be one man and one woman. it's why i got kicked out."

joshua--or josh--nods. "my parents weren't ever like that. i think they were more bothered by the fact that i didn't get my mark until i was ten, rather than the fact that my soulmate is a man. or... boy, maybe. i think he's twenty two or twenty three right now. i forgot when exactly his birthday was, but i know it's in december. when does someone stop being a _boy,_ and start being a _man,_ y'know?"

"i think it's more like... when do you quit being a teenager, and start being an adult, i guess. i started being an adult when i was eighteen, because i kind of had to, so... i, personally, would like to think that i've been a man for quite awhile."

"he's probably old enough for me to call him a man, then." josh chuckles, and takes a slow drink of his eggnog. "wanna tell stories?"

"what kind of stories?"

"like... best and worst christmas, maybe. just--something to talk about, i guess. i'm sorry. i probably shouldn't be talking to you so casually--"

"it's fine. i'm off the clock right now anyways, because your kid's asleep, and like you said--it's christmas. i also don't see why we can't be friends, y'know? we're two adults, raising the same kid, pretty much, so maybe it'd be weird if we _weren't_ friends. anyways... best and worst christmas?"

"yeah. best and worst. you wanna go first?"

"sure. i think the best christmas i had was... maybe this one...? christmas in my family has always been weird. it's always been some big event, and i get celebrating, but it's always stressful, and my parents' budget was spread between four kids, so we never got anything good, or anything that made me excited. this year, i got a kick ass jacket that i'm definitely going to wear until it's ruined, plus the sweetest card imaginable from nathan. i don't even need fancy gifts, man. it's just--the _thought_ behind them, and the consideration behind them touches me more than anything.

"as for the worst christmas... definitely the christmas after i turned eight. my, uh, mom--she kicked the shit out of me for talking back, and broke my arm, like, a week or two before christmas that year, so not only was i piss in my pants afraid of her that year, i was also in incredible pain, because broken arms hurt like a fucking bitch."

"oh, jesus. that's fucked up." josh shakes his head. "you were _eight,_ and she broke your arm for talking back?"

"like i said when you hired me--abusive alcoholic. she's the head of that household, and if we don't listen to her, then there's hell to be paid, basically. i can't imagine how you could do that to a kid, y'know? maybe it's because i've spent the past four years specifically training to deal with traumatized children, but... still. it's fucked."

"i mean... i just play baseball for a living, and even i can't imagine what would drive someone to do that to a kid. like, _sure,_ there's been times i've been frustrated with my own spawn, but... i've never wanted to _hit_ him, or harm him in any way, y'know? even the thought makes me sick."

"i can understand why a parent might want to swat their kid, or spank them, and although i know for a fact that's not how you're supposed to reprimand a child... i get it. i'm not mad at my parents for using corporal punishment on me and my siblings growing up, but there's a point where it crosses the line from spankings to actual physical abuse, i guess. anyways--that was pointless to talk about. um. you go. best and worst christmas." tyler waves his hand a little bit, and winds up drinking from his drink as an excuse to not talk.

"i think my worst christmas was the christmas after my wife died. i didn't even do anything. one of my sisters visited and watched nathan for me while i went out and had a few drinks. came home after that, and cried myself to sleep, just like the grown ass man i am."

"i think you're entitled to cry, man."

"i know, but i'm, like, the poster boy of masculinity. i get scrutinized for expressing any emotion that isn't _pride,_ and not the good kind. i did an interview after she died, and i was understandably _upset--_ do you know how much shit i got for it?"

"i can imagine. again, i think you're more than entitled to have emotions and to be upset about your wife. that's, like, a perfectly valid thing to be upset about, and if people can't understand that, then... fuck 'em."

"exactly. anyways, _um..._ best christmas... probably the christmas after i got signed to the yankees. i finally had, like, a little money, and i showered everyone i knew in as many gifts as my accountant would let me buy. it made a lot of people happy, thus making me happy."

"oh, _that's_ sweet." tyler's about half way through his egg nog, and given he doesn't drink often at all, he's already a little _buzzed._ "i got a few cards for my best friend and her girlfriend this year. i'll... probably stop by their place tomorrow if i have the time."

"are they soulmates? wait--shit--that's, uh, a little too invasive." josh cringes a little bit, and makes a face into his eggnog.

"it is, but it's fine." tyler waves dismissively. "don't worry. they aren't, by the way. both of their marks are black." he half wants to tell josh about his little discovery regarding jenna's mark and josh's wife's mark, but he decides against it. "sometimes--sometimes i wonder what i'm gonna do when i meet my soulmate."

"i mean... same. i hope i like him. i mean--i know i will, and i already do, because sometimes we talk in dreams, but dreams are a fuck of a lot different than real life."

"dreams are always weird. i talk in this weird tone in my dreams, and i phrase everything as a question, for some reason. i dunno. my soulmate kind of just... sounds like a smart ass in our dreams, but he's funny, so i let it slide. you know what _sucks,_ though? my mark isn't... it's not in a visible place, so unless i _fuck_ him, or we meet while i'm topless, he's not going to know it's me."

"i... have that same issue, actually. mine's somewhere on my torso. whenever i do shoots where i have to have my shirt off, i _make sure_ they cover it up with photoshop, and i _rarely_ have my shirt off in public. so far, no one's managed to snag a shot of it, so knock on wood, i guess."

"why are you so private about it?"

"i don't want the drama that comes with it, man. most everyone thinks my wife was, y'know... _the one,_ and i never correct people when they assume. i'm sure i'll change my tune when i meet _him,_ though. i just wanna love him so bad."

"i feel the same way about mine. from the conversations i've had with him in my dreams, he's like... he seems like the kind of guy who's going to want to take care of me all the time, but i'm telling you--that's not how it's going to go. i mean, shit--i've dedicated my whole life to taking care of people, because it's what makes me happy, y'know? i grew up taking care of my siblings, i've dedicated my life and my education to social work and counseling, and i _love_ taking care of your son. i know this sounds like i'm trying to stroke your ego, or that i'm angling for a raise--which i'm not--but this is--this has got to be the best job i've ever had. i'm gonna laugh if being a nanny winds up being my true calling in life."

"you're a good nanny, and if it does wind up being your true calling in life, then so be it. if i'm being honest, you've been my favorite so far. i mean... you go out of your way for nathan in the way that, like, a parent would, and to me, at least, that's ideal. this sounds selfish, but at the very least, i sleep easy knowing he's being taken care of properly, and not having to worry about it." josh swishes the remainder of his eggnog around in his cup, before sucking it down.

"i don't think it's selfish at all. i'm pretty sure i'm going to wind up with at least one kid, because... i think my soulmate has one...? in some of our dreams, there's a kid there, so i'm pretty sure it's his kid. anyways, point is--i'd feel the same if i had a kid and i was in your situation, needing someone else to take care of him in my place."

"thanks, for being understanding."

"it's not a problem." tyler offers josh a weird sort of sad half grin, before sighing, and saying, "i think i should probably go to bed, so i'm not too tired tomorrow."

"walk you to your room?" josh quirks an eyebrow at him.

"well aren't you a _gentleman."_ tyler laughs. "sure. walk me to my room."

josh does a quick two-finger salute, before standing up so he can take tyler's hands, and help him stand up. they take a quick detour through the kitchen to set their cups in the sink, before josh, like a gentleman, walks with tyler towards the younger man's bedroom.

tyler grabs onto josh's bicep as they're entering the hallway, though, and holds up a finger so he can burp, before pointing up. they both look up, and josh lets out a comical and exasperated little giggle. "who hung up the mistletoe?"

"i think... dallon did. i handed him some, and told him to go nuts when we were decorating." tyler grins and laughs a little bit himself. "we don't, uh, have to kiss. i just--i thought it'd be funny to have some hanging up."

"oh, _c'mon."_ josh grins down at him. "it's tradition, and a little kissing never hurt no one."

tyler tells himself that if he was completely sober, he wouldn't have shyly smiled up at josh with stars in his eyes to say, "alright, fine--have at me." tyler also knows, in the back of his mind, that he's lying to himself.

josh is polite about kissing him. his hands are heavy on tyler's waist as he pulls him nice and close, and tyler rests his own hands on josh's biceps. they make eye contact for a solid five seconds before josh is dipping his head. it starts with a peck, from josh, and after tyler quietly teases him and tells him he can do better than that... he does.

josh kisses with purpose and intent. tyler doesn't know what the fuck his purpose or intent would be, but it's like he's on a mission. up close like this, tyler can _smell_ him. sure, that sounds more than creepy, but josh smells like citrus and cigarettes and something soft and sweet.

tyler's not one to wax poetic about a drunken kiss at two in the morning on christmas with his boss, but something about this feels right. he feels something warm and tingly spread across his chest and down his arms and if he was a different kind of person he might've teared up a little bit as he moved his hands from josh's biceps to his cheeks to pull him closer and to deepen the kiss.

all good things must come to an end, though, because josh pulls away, and it takes everything in tyler not to pull him back. josh kisses him once more, on the forehead, and says, "merry christmas," before actually walking him to his room.

♃☿

of course, tyler shares a dream with his soulmate that night. he goes into the dream feeling guilty as fuck about kissing josh, but that feeling doesn't last for long. the dream winds up being weirdly sexual, with a lot of frotting going on and skin-on-skin contact. (specifically dick-on-dick contact.)

tyler wakes up rock solid around ten, and has to awkwardly relieve himself while he's showering that morning.


	4. Chapter 4

josh isn't busy after the first of the year, mostly since he specifically asked for a little time off, so that he could spend time with his son. josh still feels like a failure as a parent, though, because by the time he actually wakes up and makes his way to the dining room, he finds his place at the table already set for him, with tyler and nathan already eating.

tyler smiles at him and says, "good morning," with that stupid sunshine look he always has on his dumb pretty face, and nathan turns around a bit in his own seat to wave at him, nice and gentle. josh stops on his way to his seat to kiss nathan's cheek.

as usual, nathan makes a face and scrubs at his cheek, and josh just smiles a stupid little grin to himself as he sits down at the table. he gets about halfway through his glass of orange juice, and finishes the eggs on his plate before asking tyler whether or not he minds if he (josh) takes nathan to school.

"i don't mind. added... he's kind of your kid, josh. you can do what you want with him." tyler shrugs, and munches on a piece of bacon.

♃☿

tyler's tugging a jacket on in his bedroom, with plans to slip out and buy himself a new lighter and a pack of cigarettes while josh is taking nathan to school. when the clock on his bedside table reads _8:30_ he figures josh _should_ be gone, which would give him the time to slip out, so he steps out of his room, and quietly makes his way through the lower level of the house.

he gets about halfway through the living room before he hears the sounds of nathan crying and josh quietly talking to him and trying, but obviously failing, to get him to stop. tyler really wants to let josh handle it, because he needs to learn how to deal with his son's anxiety attacks, but when he hears josh say, "please, stop crying; you're gonna be late," in an exasperated tone, he decides to step in.

tyler finds them in the kitchen, near the door leading into the garage. josh has the door open, and he's trying to tug nathan into the garage, but as soon as nathan sees tyler, he's yanking his hand out of josh's and walking towards him.

tyler gets onto his knees so he can be on nathan's level as the six year old approaches him. his face is red and splotchy and tyler feels something tug at his heart. he looks behind nathan for a moment to make eye contact with josh, who just looks frustrated and a little upset himself. he returns his attention to nathan shortly after that, though, so he can ask, "what's wrong, bud?"

nathan takes a few minutes to stumble over saying, "i don't wanna go to school," so tyler just nods.

"alright. why don't we get you calmed down so we can talk about it, okay?" he reasons with him. tyler figures that, at this point, talking about _why_ nathan doesn't want to go to school might be more productive than just forcing him to go either way.

the kid nods, so tyler reaches up to help him get out of his winter clothes, figuring he must be hot in them. no one likes to be hot and sweaty in the middle of an anxiety attack. tyler has his backpack, coat, mittens, and hat in his hands when he motions for josh to walk over. he hands them to the kid's father, telling him to set them somewhere, and to get a bottle of water.

tyler stands up, and when nathan reaches his arms up towards him, he hoists him up, and carries him on his hip to the living room. josh follows them with a bottle of water in hand.

tyler places nathan on the couch, and sits on the floor in front of him to walk him through breathing exercises. josh sits a few feet away from tyler, watching helplessly.

today, the breathing exercises actually work, and once nathan is calm enough to breathe normally, tyler takes the bottle of water from josh, and opens it for him, telling him to drink, with little sips. when he tries getting nathan to talk, the kid just takes one look at josh, before looking at tyler and shaking his head.

tyler sighs silently, before looking to josh himself. "hey, why don't you go call his school, and tell them he's going to be a little late?"

josh nods without saying anything, and once he's out of earshot, tyler looks back to nathan. "now that he's gone, do you wanna talk about it...?"

"i can't--i can't--i can't _talk."_

"what do you mean?"

"at--at _ssschool."_ nathan frowns, and picks at the label on the bottle of water.

tyler nods, because he's pretty sure he gets it now. "at all?"

nathan shakes his head.

"any reason why, or do the words just... not come?"

"they--they--they--they get--they get stuck. in mmm-mythroat. in my throat."

"alright, that's fine. it's nothing to be ashamed about. is that why school is scary for you? because you can't talk?"

nathan shrugs.

"is there another reason?"

tyler sits there patiently as nathan explains that his teacher tries to force him to talk, and that when he ultimately can't and starts crying, she makes him sit in _time out._ tyler's a little _pissed_ about that, but he doesn't let it show. nathan also explains that his classmates make fun of him for crying when he can't talk, and that they also make fun of his stuttering when he _does_ talk.

"alright. do you want me to talk to your dad for you...?"

when nathan nods, tyler stands up. before leaving the room, he turns the tv on, and puts on a show he knows nathan likes to watch. after that, he's quick to go upstairs, and to make his way to josh's office.

josh is in his office, obviously, with his head in his arms on his desk. tyler approaches his desk, and instead of running his fingers over his boss's head, which has been freshly shaved, like his fingers are itching to, he pats his upper back gently. "i think we should talk about nathan."

"are you here to tell me that everything i'm doing is wrong?" he mumbles into his arm as he lifts his head a little bit to look at tyler.

"no, i'm not. have you called his school yet?"

josh shakes his head.

"alright. i don't think he should go today. he, uh, told me a few things that i think you need to hear. do you wanna go sit somewhere a little more comfortable...?"

josh nods, and a few minutes later they wind up on the balcony off of josh's bedroom, sharing a few cigarettes. (josh happens to smoke the exact kind tyler likes, so tyler bums a smoke off of him.) "what did he tell you?" josh seems a little calmer now that he's smoking, which tyler can definitely relate to.

"he can't talk at school."

"why not?"

"i'm not trying to diagnose him with anything, because it's not my place to do so, and i'm also not qualified to do so, _but,_ i think he has selective mutism. it's very common in children who have anxiety problems, and i've seen it in a handful of other children i worked with while i was interning in college. he told me that he can't speak, at all, and his exact words were that the words get stuck in his throat."

"he talks just fine around you."

"not always. sometimes he doesn't talk, and i have to communicate with him through yes or no questions so that he can nod. it's nothing for him to be ashamed of, and nothing for you to blame yourself over, alright? sometimes shit happens. anyways... he also told me that his teacher tries to force him to speak, and that when he can't and when he ends up crying, she punishes him for it."

"wait-- _what?"_

"he said she makes him sit in the corner, in _time out,_ which... is not what she should be doing. it's humiliating to him. he also explained that the other students make fun of him for crying, and even when he does speak, they make fun of him for stuttering, and that his teacher doesn't do anything about it."

"i do _not_ pay fourteen grand a year for his teacher--"

"--i know you don't. what i think you should do is talk to the counselor at his school, or his principal. worst case scenario, i march me and my perky ass down to the school board and raise a huge stink over it, but, best case scenario, he gets moved to a different class with a more understanding teacher who isn't going to be a _bitch_ about it."

"i'll march with you," josh mutters. "what if they try putting him in a special ed class, or something?"

"then so be it. if that's what he needs, then that's what he needs. special education classes aren't where they stick dumb-asses. they're there for kids who need a little more help with learning than other kids. one of my brothers--he's dyslexic, and he's the definition of every adhd stereotype imaginable--he was in one for awhile because he needed a little extra help learning how to read. he learned how to read, and learned how to, well, _learn_ despite his disability, and although he still needed a little help here and there, he got through school just fine. he graduated high school last year, too. point is--it wouldn't be the end of the world if that happened."

"is there anything else you think i could do?"

"therapy, and not just speech therapy. i think it's worth it for you to get him an actual therapist. i can only help him so much, y'know? i just think that if he can learn how to cope with his anxiety on his own as much as he can, then... that'd help a lot. it's also not like you can't afford it."

josh nods, and flicks ashes into the ashtray on his balcony. "what would that process be like? how do i go about it?"

"talk to his doctor, and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. the psychiatrist should be able to refer you to some therapists that could help him. i'm sure his doctor could refer you to some therapists, _but,_ in my own experience in therapy, i find that the psychiatrists i've had have always, like... known better, y'know?"

josh nods again, and he's quiet for awhile before admitting, "this is overwhelming."

"i know it is. do you need help, at all...? like--if you need, i can walk you through stuff as best as i can, or give you a list of things that need to be done."

"that isn't even in your job description."

"technically it is. my job is to take care of your son, and ultimately, that's what i'm doing." tyler shrugs, and reaches over to stub his cigarette out. "i also just want to help as best as i can. i know how this stuff goes, so i don't see why i _shouldn't_ help you."

"where should we start, then?"

"well... first of all, we don't need to do everything today. start small, yeah? the first thing you should do is call his school and tell them he's not going today. we can go from there."

♃☿

nathan gets switched to a different class with fewer students and a teacher who has a better attitude than his previous teacher did, and a week and a half after that, on a friday, tyler's standing on the deck in josh's backyard, smoking, when he hears the sliding glass door opening behind him. he turns his head to see josh, who already has a cigarette in hand, walking outside.

"good morning," tyler mumbles half through a yawn as josh approaches him.

"you too. you have a lighter on you, right?"

tyler pulls his left hand out of his pocket, and opens it, palm up, to reveal his lighter. josh takes it from him, and uses it, before handing it back.

"thanks. um." he takes a drag of his cigarette before continuing. "i just got off the phone with a therapist. we're, uh... gonna start with appointments once a week in the evenings on fridays, so that he doesn't have to be disrupted at school. his doctor agrees with you, and thought it was a good idea to start bringing him to therapy, or whatever."

tyler nods. "that's good, that he's going to therapy."

"yeah." josh exhales smoke through his mouth. "can i thank you for your help? i know i wouldn't have ever thought to do any of this on my own, and i just--i really want to do right by him."

"you're welcome. it's not a big deal. i mean--it _is--_ but you get what i mean. i was just... being a decent human being and doing my job, i guess. nothin' to write home about." tyler shrugs, and scuffs his feet on the wood below them.

"i'll email you the information, and have them list you as one of his caretakers, so you can take him when i can't. i'll try to take him myself as much as i can, but baseball season starts in a few months, and practice starts in a few weeks, so i don't know how much energy i'm gonna have."

"it's fine. i'm more than happy to take him. you know that."

"it's also what i pay you to do, i guess. sorry about being... weird. it's just-- _i_ have anxiety and i get weird when i'm anxious i guess. i also get overwhelmed easy. obviously."

"that's alright, josh. i get it. i have anxiety problems too, so... y'know. i'm not one to judge."

"see, that's what i like about you. you're so _understanding_ and you're willing to work with me in places that a lot of people wouldn't be."

"i'm an empathetic person. i mean, shit, i have a _fairly_ strong empathetic bond with my soulmate, and empathy is kind of, like, something i need to have given my dream career, and even my current job. i have an easy time empathizing with people and understanding them, i suppose. i think what i'm trying to say is that where me being like that is a big deal to you, it's... kind of just natural for me?"

"i know, i know. i just haven't met anyone in a long time who... like..."

"someone who cares?"

"yes! exactly! every other nanny he's had--they just want to tough it out and make it through the month and get their paycheck, but you go above and fucking _beyond_ for him, and for me, even. sorry for ranting."

"you have nothing to be sorry about, man." tyler figures he's overstepping his bounds just a bit, but he steps a little closer to josh, and wraps an arm around his waist to pull him into a sort of side hug. josh seems to indulge him by wrapping his own arm around tyler's shoulders while they smoke.

♃☿

tyler gets a night off from sharing dreams with his soulmate. he hasn't had a night _without_ sharing a dream with him in... months, probably. tonight, though, his dreams are about _josh._ he'll get done with one, then get thrown into another. he tries feeling around for his soulmate, to see if he's there somewhere, but he can't sense him, so tyler figures that dreaming about josh is just his own personal hell.

it's not like the dreams are bad, because they aren't. in fact, they're cute dreams, and in them, tyler feels... good. he feels loved and he feels happy and he dreams about the kind of life he wants with his soulmate, except josh and nathan take the place of tyler's soulmate and his soulmate's kid. tyler writes it off as him projecting his loneliness onto josh and doesn't think anything of it when he wakes up.

♃☿

on a morning where josh is out of the house at a few meetings, and after tyler gets back home from taking nathan to school, he finds himself being cornered in the kitchen by dallon, who is so sly and subtle that tyler doesn't even realize he's been cornered until the man's asking, "are you boinking our boss?" as he wipes the kitchen counters down.

tyler chokes on his coffee, and has to take a few minutes to cough and clear his throat before answering. "excuse me?"

"you're not deaf, mister joseph. i asked a question, so answer me."

 _"no,_ i'm not fucking our boss. what makes you ask that?"

"the two of you just seem awful close is all." dallon shrugs, and doesn't make eye contact with tyler as his eyebrows raise up on his forehead.

"i wouldn't be against that idea, but he's my _boss,_ and that would be crossing so many lines. the fact that we're even talking about this is crossing a line. wouldn't it make things weird, anyways? like, fucking the dad of the kid i'm trying to nanny? anyways--why do you think we seem close?"

"it's just the vibe i get, i suppose. i've been working for him for five years, and i've seen a lot of people come and go, both staff wise and in his personal life."

♃☿

tyler's half asleep and trying to get back to sleep when he hears his bedroom door opening. he half expects it to be nathan sneaking downstairs to get into bed with him, and it wouldn't be the first time that's happened, but he learns that it's definitely _not_ nathan when he feels a large hand on his shoulder.

tyler groans and reaches up to turn his lamp on. his second expectation is for dallon to be standing there like a creep, but when he makes eye contact with his boss, he realizes that dallon probably would've just turned the actual light on and told him to get the fuck up if he needed something rather than trying to be nice about it. tyler reaches for his glasses next, and puts them on so he can get a better look at josh.

josh's eyes are a little puffy and red and he's sniffling a bit so tyler sighs, and asks, "what's wrong?"

"is it stupid if i tell you i had a bad dream?"

tyler shakes his head, and forces himself to sit up. he scoots up towards the head of his bed, and motions for josh to sit with him. "bad dreams aren't stupid," he mumbles as josh sits on the edge of his bed. "do you need a hug?"

josh looks over his shoulder at tyler, and nods a little sheepishly. "i'm sorry for waking you up over this."

"it's okay. nathan's woken me up over a handful of nightmares, so don't worry."

"yeah, but i'm thirty three. he's six." josh scoots back on the bed, and lets tyler tug him over until he's leaning against his chest.

"like i said--it's fine." tyler runs one of his hands over josh's head, which is something he's been dying to do since the man shaved it last month. it's about as satisfying as he expected it to be, and josh lets out a relieved sort of sigh as soon as tyler's hand is on his head. "do you wanna talk about it?"

"i had a dream that my mark went black, and i figured that instead of having an anxiety attack over it, i should probably try talking to you. i dunno." he shrugs. "i keep being afraid of it going black before i meet him. i don't know why."

"i think everyone's afraid of that. it's a perfectly reasonable thing to be scared of. you mentioned he's about my age, right?"

josh nods.

"that makes him twenty three. chances are he's not going to kick it any time soon. did you have any dreams with him tonight?"

"no. i fell asleep a few hours ago, had that nightmare, and now i'm up again. i tried--i tried going back to sleep because i feel like i _could've_ had a dream with him, but my stupid head just wants me to be awake." josh sniffs, and turns his face more towards tyler's chest. tyler feels his heart skip a beat at the way josh inhales heavily. "i'm sorry."

"it's okay, josh. there's no shame in needing someone." tyler runs his hand over josh's head again, and, alright, _fine_ , maybe they sit there for fifteen minutes or so, basically cuddling. "do you want to sleep in here...? would that help at all?" tyler decides to ask. it's _late_ and he figures josh should probably sleep.

"i don't think i'm gonna be able to sleep," he mumbles. "i feel--i'm feeling better and all, but..."

"still a little on edge...?"

"yeah."

"alright... how do you feel about brownies?"

"brownies?" josh tilts his head back to give tyler a confused look. "why?"

"well... when i was living with my best friend during college, whenever i'd have bad dreams, i'd bake brownies in the middle of the night. something about baking just kind of... calms me down. it's something about having a task, y'know?"

"dallon's gonna be pissed if we make a mess."

"oh, _fuck_ dallon." tyler rolls his eyes. "he can deal with a little mess. it's his job to clean up anyways."

♃☿

tyler and josh scour the kitchen for brownie mix, or even the stuff to make them from scratch, but after coming to the conclusion that they had, in layman's terms, jack shit to make brownies with, they wind up piling into tyler's car, his actual car and not the one josh makes him use to drive nathan around, and making a quick trip to a walmart.

tyler hasn't ever really been out in public with josh, ever, which means he hasn't had a chance to see how the man acts outside of the house. it's not like he acts super different or anything, but tyler indulges himself and lets himself feel a little excited over getting to spend some quality time with him.

their trip to walmart isn't really that exciting or eventful. they get a few boxes of betty crocker chewy fudge brownies, and josh acts all sly about asking tyler if they could put m&ms into the brownies as well. of course they can, tyler tells him, because m&ms in brownies are fucking awesome.

♃☿

"i don't see why i shouldn't use a hand mixer," josh says, as he's bent over, hand within inches of the box his hand mixer is kept in.

"you can if you want, but you're going to wind up beating too much air into it, and the texture is going to come out weird. it's better to just fold it together with a spatula. it takes longer and all, but the results are worth it. also, it's two in the morning, and you'd probably wake your son and your cleaning lady up if you busted out a hand mixer." tyler rolls his eyes before reaching into one of the drawers for a few rubber spatulas.

he hears josh grumble from behind him before closing the cabinet door, and stepping up to tyler. mixing together the ingredients in a brownie mix and adding m&ms (both regular and mini) is fairly self explanatory, and it doesn't take them too long to do it. tyler does one of the mixes himself, and josh does the other, if only so they can have their own bowls to lick brownie batter off of afterward.

they fill two medium sized cake pans with the batter, and tyler sets the timer on the oven accordingly, before leaning against the counter across from the oven so he can get started on eating leftover batter.

the interesting part comes when josh approaches him, with this look in his eye. tyler recognizes it as the same look he had when they kissed under the mistletoe on christmas. tyler barely manages to _not_ give him some sort of questioning look.

josh points at the corner of his own mouth, saying, "you, uh, got a lil somethin'..."

tyler tries his best to lick it off, and as he fails to do so, he realizes where this is going.

the tips of josh's ears are red as he mumbles, "i'll get it," before he's quickly leaning forward, and kissing the corner of tyler's mouth.

it's a short kiss, and almost as soon as tyler realizes it's happening, it's over. tyler doesn't _want_ it to be over, though, so he reaches into his mixing bowl, swipes his thumb across a bit of batter, and reaches up to smear it across josh's bottom lip, muttering, "oops," with an ornery little smirk on his face before he's leaning up and _actually_ kissing josh.

josh kisses back and tyler feels the breath being sucked out of his body, because, _wow._ he's good at kissing, especially when they're both sober. josh isn't kissing him nearly as aggressively as he had the first time they'd kissed. he's more careful about it, and tyler can feel the hesitation in the way he moves.

josh pulls away, though, and tyler tries chasing him with his lips, but josh nudges him a bit, shaking his head. "this isn't gonna work."

tyler feels his heart drop to his stomach, and for a second he's considering just running out of the kitchen, but then josh is gently reaching up, tongue _slightly_ poking out of the corner of his mouth, looking as focused as if he were in the process of performing a complicated surgery. he takes tyler's glasses off of his face, nice and slow, and he's careful about folding them up properly and placing them on the counter, out of the way.

"can't kiss you if those are in the way."

tyler can't help the way his breath hitches as josh is leaning in again. despite being a little... _forward_ in the way he kisses, josh is just so soft and sweet about it. he settles his hands on tyler's thighs after tyler hops a little bit to where he can sit on the counter. tyler likes kissing josh while he's on the counter--josh can cozy up between his thighs, and tyler can bring his own arms to rest over josh's shoulders while they continue kissing.

they spend the better part of the next hour making out and kind of just _fooling around._ tyler knows it's a bad decision on his part to be doing this with his boss, and he's sure josh is well aware of the fact that it's a bad decision on his own part to be making out with an employee, but tyler really just doesn't _care._ he knows that, logically, he really should care, but when he starts leaving a few hickeys on josh's neck, and when josh sighs in the cutest way, he can't find it in himself to feel any sort of remorse.

tyler's toying with the hem of josh's t-shirt when the oven goes off, and he kind of wants to cry from being interrupted, but he's an adult and he can deal with _not_ kissing someone that he shouldn't be kissing while he takes the brownies out of the oven.

♃☿

tyler starts making his way back to his bedroom once he and josh get the brownies cut and the kitchen tidied. he gets stopped as he's entering the hallway, though, by josh, who gently grabs his hand. tyler looks at their hands, then up at josh, silently questioning him.

"is that offer from earlier still up?"

"what offer?" tyler asks, mostly to clarify, as he turns around. josh doesn't let go of his hand.

"sleeping in the same room."

tyler's eyebrows shoot up for a moment, since he wasn't expecting that, but he plays it off nice and cool. "of course it is."

"cool." josh nods awkwardly, and tyler keeps holding his hand as he leads him to his room.

tyler winds up sleeping on his back, which tends to be one of his usual positions, except this time, josh is tucked into his side with his head on tyler's chest, and tyler falls asleep easily once he hears the man snoring softly.

♃☿

josh has a few short dreams after dozing off on tyler's chest, mostly about irrelevant things, before he falls into a vivid and intense dream. by vivid and intense, he means that this dream feels more solid and it's not the kind of dream he's going to forget, especially when he sees the back of his soulmate's head.

his soulmate is smoking in the dream and staring out over a lake, one that josh recognizes as lake erie. he feels bad, but he accidentally startles his soulmate by saying, "lake erie?" as he steps up beside him, somehow producing a cigarette of his own.

 _"jesus,_ you scared me. why are you here?"

"we share dreams almost every night. it's inevitable that i showed up." josh shrugs. "are you okay? in real life, i mean. i had--i had some fucked up dreams earlier about my mark going black, so i wanted to ask, especially now that i have the chance."

"i'm fine, just tired. are you fine?"

"yeah, i'm fine. i stayed up for awhile with a--with a friend, because i couldn't sleep. i haven't been asleep for very long." josh shrugs, and looks to his soulmate. his soulmate looks as if he's glowing because of the sun shining on his face in the dream. he looks ethereal. josh can't quite focus on his face and he feels some sort of _barrier_ pushing him back every time he tries.

"can i ask you something?"

"i mean... sure."

"am i allowed to see other people, besides you? it's just... we haven't met, and there's this guy i like."

"i don't see why not." josh shrugs again. "i'm kind of... there's someone i know that i like as well, so i'm not going to be the one to judge you over it. if you're asking for my blessing, you've got it."

"to be fair, i don't think i could be with him anyways. not only is he way older than me, but... i kind of work for him. that's not going to stop me from _trying,_ of course," his soulmate waves his cigarette around a bit, and josh almost laughs, because his soulmate reminds him of tyler. _if only._ "but... y'know. what's your guy like?"

"he's very sweet, a decade and six months younger than me, and he's helped me a lot in the short time i've known him. i'm sure i'm only infatuated because of the fact he's giving me attention, but, uh, yeah. i kind of think his interest in me is mutual...? we've--we've had a few romantic encounters, i guess, and i haven't ever got the vibe that my advances were unwanted. i just hope he doesn't think i'm taking advantage of him."

"that makes him twenty three, right? i think that's old enough for him to make his own decisions. i mean, that's how old i am, and you _know_ i'm about to try fucking my boss, basically."

"yeah, but... i'm in a position of power over him, and, jesus, this is fucked up. you have a crush on your boss and i have a crush on one of my employees."

"that's why we're soulmates, right? gotta figure we have similar issues." his soulmate chuckles a little bit. "you also have my blessing, by the way. if you want to go tap some twenty three year old ass, then by all means, go for it. just fuck him good for me, yeah?"

josh bursts out laughing. "i can't wait to meet you."

♃☿

josh finds himself being woken up at six on the dot from tyler's alarm. he knows that if he wasn't half asleep he wouldn't have whined softly and held onto tyler as he reached over him to turn his phone alarm off. tyler tries getting up, but josh whines again, nice and quiet. "josh, bud, i gotta get up."

"no you don't. i need to sleep more."

"you can sleep without me, man. i need to go shower and get dressed. i'm taking nate to his speech therapy this morning since you have that meeting." tyler's voice sounds low and scratchy and he takes his time speaking. "you can stay in here until you need to wake up in an hour, if you want, but i need to, like... do my job."

josh grunts, and scoots away far enough to allow tyler to get up. before tyler completely gets off of the bed, josh feels something light and barely there high on his cheekbone, and when he lets his eyes flutter open to investigate, he sees tyler pulling away. it's then that he realizes tyler kissed his cheek, and he has to bite the inside of that very same cheek to keep from smiling like a dumb-ass.

♃☿

josh doesn't have time for breakfast before he needs to leave the house that morning. he does take a moment to kiss nathan on the cheek, and when no one else is looking, he sneaks in a quick peck to tyler's cheek, before he _really_ has to leave. (his soulmate gave him his blessing, so josh figures he should work with it, and when tyler asks, josh just tells him that it's payback for the little cheek peck he'd given him before showering when he'd woken up.)

the meeting josh has isn't anything too exciting--there's a sporting company that wants him to model some of their baseball gear for an advertising campaign set to launch in may. he's already looked over the contract, and this meeting is mostly to just hash out the fine details and to actually sign the contract while josh's manager and attorney are present.

there's a table in the room with snacks and some juice on it, and josh is picking at a cracker plate when his manager leans against the wall next to where he's standing to ask, "are you seeing someone?"

josh spares him a glance, before shaking his head and going back to picking at the cracker plate. "not really. why do you ask?"

"you have a hickey on your neck." his manager, mark, reaches over to rub his thumb across what josh assumes is a hickey, and josh just bats his hand away.

"i made out with someone last night. accidentally let him give me a few hickeys. i was horny and depraved and i couldn't help myself, and for that, i would like to gravely apologize to you, and to my mother, who is most definitely sitting in heaven staring down at me and shaking her head, because, yet again, i've disappointed her." josh is tired and a little grumpy and not in the mood to deal with mark pestering him over a hickey. he adjusts his hood a little bit, hopefully covering the hickey, or at least obscuring it.

"so... you _are_ into dudes?"

"pretty sure i am." josh shrugs, and walks a few feet away from mark. "i made out with one last night, so, i _mean..."_

"is he famous? is there, like... any way we could use this as a publicity stunt?"

"no, and no, and even if that _was_ a possibility, i'm not letting you get your grubby little clout-craving vulture claws on him. he's not famous, and i'd like him to stay that way. he's untouched and not at all jaded by fame or fortune. it's refreshing."

"what is it about me that makes you want to talk out of your ass?"

"it's probably the fact that we've been friends since college. i dunno. also, i mean, i kind of hate you, in a way, so it's to be expected that i blow smoke up your ass most of the time."

mark looks like he's about to say something else, but the door to the conference room is opening, and the talent manager for the sporting goods company is walking in, followed by a few of his own attorneys, ready to start the meeting.


	5. Chapter 5

tyler figures that since his soulmate explicitly gave him his blessing to start hitting on josh, he may as well do it. of course, he's going to be subtle about it. he has no plans, whatsoever, to just go up to him and start telling him shitty pick up lines, at least not without a few drinks, but... he doesn't see the harm in flirting with him a little bit, and maybe being a little too touchy-feely.

tyler starts small. he puts a little extra effort into his appearance. as soon as josh leaves the house, and as soon as tyler's done with nathan's speech therapy, he's in the en suite in his bedroom, mussing his hair up and trying on a handful of different shirts and pants before settling on something that makes him look _hot._ he figures he can't go wrong with a short sleeved dark red button up shirt tucked into a nice pair of high waisted pants.

tyler had a phase in college where he experimented with a _ton_ of people, so he likes to think that he's mastered the art of looking carelessly attractive, at least when he wants to.

he thinks he's succeeded, too, if the way josh checks him out as he walks into his office carrying a brownie says anything. josh raises an eyebrow, and mumbles, "you look nice," as he clicks on something on his computer. "what do you need?"

"just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. i also brought you a brownie."

"i'm fine," josh answers, tone not conveying anything, at all. "also, thanks for the brownie, but... i'm supposed to be on a diet, for baseball."

"we spent two hours on these, man. a bite couldn't hurt," tyler reasons with him. "i had one earlier, and if i'm honest... they're pretty freaking great. you're missing out."

josh sighs. "unfair, man. you can't taunt me with my favorite dessert while i'm supposed to be eating healthy. _one_ bite."

tyler grins triumphantly, and breaks off a bite sized piece of the brownie in his hand, and holds it out to josh after he walks around his desk. tyler's expecting josh to take the bit of brownie from his hand with his fingers like a normal person, but he feels his cheeks burning, because instead of doing that, josh just opens his mouth, obviously meaning for tyler to feed it to him.

tyler hasn't ever looked down to see this man with his mouth open before, but this is a sight he could easily get used to. tyler tries to be as smooth as he can about placing the bite of brownie into josh's mouth, almost as if he were playing a game of operation. josh closes his mouth around the bite of brownie, and chews, before nodding approvingly.

♃☿

tyler's trying really hard to be subtle about the whole josh situation, he really is, but josh is making it hard to be subtle. a lot of their _encounters_ happen in the middle of the night, and tonight isn't an exception. it's been a few days since tyler's soulmate giving him his blessing, and tyler's up a little late to make himself a cup of chamomile tea, since he's having a hard time relaxing and getting to sleep.

tyler's just finished stirring some milk and honey into his tea when he hears footsteps walking into the kitchen. he looks over his shoulder to see josh in his stupid silk robe that leaves little to the imagination, giving him a confused look. he looks exhausted, as if he'd just woken up, which wouldn't be a surprise, given it's nearly two in the morning.

"morning," tyler mumbles before turning his attention back to his tea, mostly so he can take the spoon out of it and place it in the sink.

josh yawns, and returns the sentiment. "why are you up?"

"anxiety, insomnia, and loneliness," he remarks, nice and bitter, before taking a sip of his tea. "forgot to buy myself another bottle of melatonin when i was out earlier, so i'm sure that's not helping at all. how about you?"

"... rolled off my bed like a dumb-ass and almost cried about it."

tyler snorts. "i did that my first night here. balls deep in a dream with my soulmate, then i just kinda threw myself off my bed on accident. i was so mad about it."

"i think i might've been having a bad dream when i rolled off my bed. dunno, though. i can't remember it." josh shrugs, and walks over to the fridge so he can get himself a bottle of water.

tyler doesn't try to hide the fact that he's watching him, or checking him out. he hasn't ever seen josh without a shirt on, and, to be fair, josh's robe obscures most of his torso, but from what tyler can see, he's cute. he's not ripped like tyler kind of thought he was, and there's a fine dusting of hair between his pecs, and some that starts below his belly button, and goes _down._ tyler also wants to kiss the freckles josh has on his chest, because, _wow._ cute.

"is there anything that's making you anxious...?" josh's eyebrow lifts a little bit, and tyler likes the concern on his face. it's nice.

"nothing specific. it's more or less just this, like... impending sense of doom sort of feeling. the fact that i was sitting up alone with my thoughts wasn't helping either. i figured i should come down here and make myself some tea, and at least try to relax."

"i'm, ah, not good with the whole..." josh waves his hand a little bit. "y'know. the whole talking about stuff thing. not like you are. i'm sorry if i can't help."

tyler shakes his head. "it's fine. if i needed someone to talk to bad enough, i'd get myself a therapist. also, i'm, y'know, trained to do this stuff. you're not. if i ever desperately need to learn how to play baseball, though, i'll come find you."

"i'd love to teach you. it's a fun sport."

"i'd suck at it. i'd probably find a way to break my own nose with a bat." tyler laughs after imagining the situation.

"if that happened, i'd get you patched up. get you an ice pack and maybe a lil smooch if i was feeling it." josh smiles, looking a little devious and cheeky.

"where would ya smooch me if i broke my nose?" tyler wiggles his eyebrows a little bit before taking a small sip of his tea.

josh _really_ isn't making it easy for tyler to be subtle, because he takes a step closer, and starts with a small kiss pressed onto tyler's cheekbone. "i'd start here." his next kiss is on the soft part of tyler's cheek, between his cheekbone and his jaw. "then i'd get you there." his third kiss is on the bridge of tyler's nose. "maybe here, if it didn't hurt too bad." his fourth kiss is on the tip of tyler's nose. "definitely there." josh's voice is quieter now, and his fifth kiss is on tyler's lips. "then... i'd kiss you here until you felt better."

"you can do better than that if i'm gonna be breaking my nose," tyler mumbles as an invitation for josh to kiss him on the lips again.

josh willingly takes the bait. this kiss is a little more forceful, and it's _deeper._ it's intense and tyler almost feels as if it's a fight. shit, josh even uses _tongue,_ and although his mouth tastes kind of awful since he'd been sleeping beforehand, it still makes tyler shiver just a little bit.

when josh pulls away, tyler finds himself saying, "you're tempting me to break my nose, now," before he can stop himself.

josh grins and laughs a little bit, and gives tyler a final peck on the lips before he's leaving the kitchen, presumably to go back to bed.

♃☿

baseball isn't a sport that tyler has ever particularly cared about, partially because he grew up playing basketball, and also because baseball just wasn't a huge thing in his school, but when he finds himself sitting in a sky box with a perfect view of josh's _ass_ in those cute little baseball pants plastered across a tv, he suddenly finds himself more than interested in the sport.

he's only here because josh asked him if he'd be willing to bring nathan to the first game of the season, since he likes to think of nathan as his good luck charm, and tyler agreed with no hesitation. he gets it--he always had jenna show up to all of his basketball games in high school, because he always seemed to win knowing she was there cheering him on in the crowd.

present time, tyler's on the floor in the sky box, out of the way of everyone else, coloring in a coloring book with nathan, who's a little anxious due to all the people on the room, most of which happen to be very loud and very overzealous baseball fans. tyler hears the distinct sound of a baseball hitting a baseball bat from the tv, shortly before everyone in the room erupts into cheers. he looks up for a moment, nodding to himself as he sees that it was josh who'd hit the ball, before returning his eyes to nathan, who'd thrown his crayon down and pressed his palms against his ears, squeezing his eyes shut.

tyler waits until everyone's quieted down before reaching over to gently tug at one of the sleeves on nathan's shirt, quietly asking him if he's okay. the kid shrugs, and slowly lowers his hands from his ears, mumbling about the noise, and going back to coloring in a picture of a dog with red. (tyler's pretty sure he's trying to turn the dog into clifford, since he's been on a clifford kick lately.)

"i think we only have another hour or so until you get to see your dad, alright? after that, we can go out to eat if you want, then we can go home and relax without all the noise. if you want, you can have _one_ oreo when we get home too."

nathan perks up at the mention of an oreo. he holds up two fingers.

"maybe i'll let you have two, _if_ you can give me a high five." tyler holds his hand up, and nathan's quick to give him a high five, as hard as he can. tyler grins at him. "i think that's worthy of _three_ oreos."

nathan smiles at him, looking excited.

♃☿

half an hour after the game ends finds tyler still sitting in the skybox, with nathan napping with his head on tyler's thigh while tyler checks his text messages. he looks up when the door opens, and josh walks in, tailed by a security guard who looks like he's had a long evening. the security guard stays by the door while josh quietly walks over to tyler and his son, a soft smile on his face. "sorry about the wait. had to wait for the arena to clear out, lest i get mobbed." he rolls his eyes. "you want the honors, or should i?" he points towards nathan.

"you do it," tyler mumbles as he lifts his arm from where it was draped over nathan's chest.

josh sits on the floor, and gets comfortable before running his hand through his son's hair, quietly saying, "hey, nate. time to wake up."

nathan whines, and pulls tyler's jacket (which he'd been using as a blanket) up over his face. tyler turns his phone screen off, and smiles apologetically at his boss, before tugging his jacket away from nathan, saying, "c'mon, bud. dad's here. you've been hounding me to see him _aaall_ evening."

"m'sleepy," he states, nice and sharp and with a pout.

tyler shakes his head, and within a few minutes, he's carrying nathan on his hip, and josh is draping his own jacket over tyler's shoulders, and tyler's jacket over his son, who chooses to snooze on tyler's shoulder while he's being carried. "he's had a stressful evening," tyler explains as they're being escorted around the stadium. "every time you'd so much as blink, everyone would start yelling." he rolls his eyes before continuing. "he didn't like the noise, and i don't blame him."

"i'll see what i can do about getting you guys seated somewhere a little more private next time," josh promises.

"i don't--i don't know much about baseball. you guys won, right?"

"we sure did. i know--i know we won because our team has some... _talented_ members on it, but i'd like to think it was because you and my little good luck charm were here." josh smiles fondly at nathan before having to thank the security guard, who holds a door open for them before the escorting is continued.

"i'm gonna go with the first choice," tyler tells him. "you need to give yourself a little more credit, man. like i said--i don't know anything about baseball, but from what i saw, you guys did great." tyler wants to compliment josh a little more, but it's his turn to thank the security guard before he, josh, and nathan split from said security guard as they make their way towards josh's car at the back of the stadium.

tyler hands nathan to josh once they're actually at the car, so that he can get the car seat ready. josh gets him strapped in, and tyler drapes his own jacket over the six year old before trying to be as quiet as possible about closing the door. tyler's noticed that, like josh, nathan sleeps like he's dead, and he barely rouses from being put into his car seat.

once the car door is closed, josh lets out a sigh. "wanna have a smoke?" he looks to tyler, and tyler can plainly see that he... looks sort of stressed, and very exhausted.

"sure, man." they wind up leaning against the side of the car, opposite of the side nathan is on, just in case their talking were to disturb him. (which it probably wouldn't.) tyler takes a cigarette from josh, and lets the man light it for him, and after taking a fairly strong drag, tyler asks, "you good?"

"tired. i was... _very_ nervous to play tonight, and the nerves wound up being for nothing, so now i'm just... tired, y'know?" josh scuffs his feet on the ground a bit, and shrugs.

"i get that. you gonna go to bed when we get home?"

"probably not. i'm tired, but i'm also wound up, if that even makes sense. i could sleep for a century, but i feel like i could also stay awake for a century too."

tyler looks over his shoulder at nathan, who's sound asleep in his car seat, unaware of the outside world. "y'know... it's about nate's bedtime. if you want... after i get him in bed, we could hang out for awhile...? watch a movie or something; i dunno."

"or something?" josh quirks an eyebrow at him.

tyler raises his eyebrows and shrugs. "there's other stuff we could do besides watch a movie. for example, i could cream you at mario kart _and_ fortnite. you could probably beat me at... i dunno... pong? what was popular when you were my age?"

josh scoffs, and jabs tyler in the arm. gently, of course. he'd never want to hurt him. "shut up. i used to play smash and _also_ mario kart when i was your age. i'm not _that_ old. not that i couldn't absolutely _destroy_ you at pong, though, because i probably could."

"yeah, yeah." tyler rolls his eyes, and smiles like a dumb ass when josh leans over to kiss him.

♃☿

nathan's so tired that he doesn't even want tyler to read him a bedtime story--he just wants to _sleep,_ and for once, tyler's glad he doesn't want a bedtime story, because it means he can sneak off to his own bedroom and try to make himself look as attractive as he possibly can at midnight on a friday for his boss. he doesn't do anything too special--he just messes with his hair a bit, and he's sure to only wear a t-shirt and a pair of briefs that fit him nice and snug, knowing that they compliment his ass.

tyler takes a detour to the kitchen on his way to josh's bedroom, where they plan to watch one of the new marvel movies, to get a bottle of water. after that, he has to try not to run, because he's _excited._ as a kid, he never knew how excited he'd be at the idea of definitely cuddling and possibly making out with someone who wasn't even his soulmate. (though, to be fair, he's never actually seen josh's mark, so although the chance is there, tyler figures it's next to none.)

tyler steps into josh's bedroom to find josh sitting on his bed, playing a game on his phone. he turns his phone screen off shortly after tyler closes the door, and looks up at him only to blatantly check him out. "so... you're sleeping in here?"

"i assumed so...? i, literally, work from six in the morning until ten at night. i can't imagine being able to stay awake through a three hour movie, especially at midnight. also, you've been running around a baseball field all afternoon and evening, so i can't imagine you're going to stay up for too much longer anyways." tyler shrugs and walks over to the bed. he sets his water down on one of the side tables, and gets onto the bed, sitting near josh's pillows.

"fair enough," he mumbles before reaching for the remote to the tv in his room. he situates himself on his back, and looks to tyler expectantly, waiting for him to lay down as well. tyler does lay down, not touching josh, at least until about five minutes into the movie, which is when josh reaches over to pull tyler close. tyler winds up laying on his side, one of his legs over josh's, head sort of propped up with one arm, and his other arm on josh's chest while he watches the movie.

tyler's arm gets tired eventually, which means he ends up laying more on his stomach, with his head on josh's chest, and his arm thrown across the man's stomach. josh plays with his hair a little bit, and tyler finds himself sleepily saying, "this is, like, a role reversal, almost. usually you're where i am, and i'm where you are."

tyler feels josh's chest twitch with the huff he lets out. "yeah, you're right." his voice rumbles a bit, and tyler swears he could listen to him talk forever. "you don't--you don't always have to be the one cuddling me, y'know. i can cuddle you too. in fact, i feel like that's more appropriate somehow."

"why?"

"you're... small. i'm not."

tyler snorts. "you really _are_ old. size doesn't need to dictate preference. if you want to be a little spoon, then, god damn it, be a little spoon. i, for one, am a _maaassive_ spoon, and you're _juuust_ the right size for me, y'know?" _god, i really need to stop talking when i'm tired like this. he's going to think i'm weird._

"i will be the littlest spoon you've ever seen," josh declares in a soft tone. "for now, though, i think you can live with me holdin' on to ya."

"definitely." tyler basically nuzzles into josh's chest as he's getting comfortable, and the next thing he knows, he's dozing off.

♃☿

tyler gets woken up from the sounds of crying six year old around four. the tv is still on, with netflix still open, and in the light from the tv tyler can see nathan's teary face. tyler instinctively switches from 'why did i get woken up' to 'oh god there's a crying child that i _have_ to take care of otherwise it's going to eat at me even if it's four in the morning and i'm fucking exhausted and caught red handed cuddling with my boss.'

tyler sits up, and resists the urge to roll his eyes at the way josh whines and rolls over in his sleep as if _seeking_ him, or something. instead, he reaches over josh, holding his arms out to nathan, using his hands to motion for him to get on the bed with him and josh. nathan's careful about stepping over josh and winds up sitting in tyler's lap for a hug.

tyler hugs him, of course, and runs his hand over his head, before asking, "what's wrong, sweetie?"

nathan holds his stuffed rabbit closer to his chest and sniffles pretty strongly before getting out, "i had--i had a--i-i-i-i had a n-n-n- _nnn-_ nightmare-- a nightmare, _a nightmare--"_

tyler hushes him, and holds him a little tighter. "it's okay, bud. i got you. you're safe, okay? i ain't gonna let _nothin'_ happen to you." tyler continues hushing him, up until josh rouses to ask what's going on.

tyler explains that nathan had a nightmare, and josh sits up himself so he can ask his son if he's okay. the kid just cries harder and shakes his head, and tyler sighs a little sadly. "i think he's having an anxiety attack. _shit._ can you go get him some water and, like, a few oreos, or something? please?"

josh doesn't question him before he's climbing out of the bed, and stumbling towards his door. he's only gone for a few minutes, and by the time he's back, nathan's still crying into tyler's chest. tyler's still shushing him and even rocking him back and forth a little bit, trying to get him to relax and calm down. tyler takes the cold bottle of water josh hands him, and without moving nathan's stuffed rabbit, which he named masha, tyler holds the bottle towards him. "you wanna drink some water?"

nathan nods, and takes the bottle of water from tyler, he takes a few sips here and there, and with another ten minutes of sipping and letting tyler coddle him, he's more or less calmed down. he's nonverbal, though, and starts getting a little misty eyed when josh slips and questions him about it.

tyler gives josh a look, one that says, _'your kid is mute, you fuck,'_ before reassuring nathan that's he's doing _great_ and that he absolutely doesn't need to talk if he doesn't want to right now. tyler takes one of the oreos from josh's hands, and offers it to nathan, who basically gets stars in his eyes as he eats it.

"you wanna go back to bed?" tyler asks as he brushes nathan's hair out of his face, making a mental note to schedule an appointment at greatclips for him, since josh likes him to get his hair cut once it gets to a certain length. when nathan nods, tyler asks another question. "in here, or in your room?"

nathan clumsily reaches around tyler to pat one of the pillows, meaning he wants to sleep in josh's bed.

one thing leads to another, and tyler winds up on his back with josh on his left side, snoring softly into his chest, and nathan on his right side, with his head on tyler's bicep, curled facing away from tyler. as tyler's drifting off again, he thinks to himself how lucky he is to have these wonderful boys in his life.

♃☿

tyler's standing in the laundry room, pulling his clothes out of the dryer, when he feels someone nudging him away, mumbling, "how many times do i have to tell you that you don't have to do your own laundry?"

tyler, quite frankly, got over dallon's pushy attitude and his intimidating yet non-threatening front within a week of knowing him, so he just nudges him back and goes back to digging his clothes out of the dryer. "i forgot to set my clothes out a few days ago, so i got up early and did a load of laundry for myself. it's not a big deal. added..." tyler stands up straight, and references to his shirtless self. "i wanted to wear a specific shirt today. it's earth day, and i think my my button up with embroidered leaves would look great."

instead of responding to him like a normal person, tyler watches as dallon's eyes drift _down,_ towards his rib cage, and tyler's momentarily confused before realizing that the man is looking at his _mark._

"why are you staring at my mark like that? it ain't black and it sure as shit doesn't match yours."

tyler knows in his gut that the man is dancing around the truth as he shakes his head to say, "no reason. i just haven't seen it before. i've--i've always been interested, yeah?" after that, he's basically darting out of the room, and tyler really wants to know what the fuck that was about.

he winds up just blinking to himself, and shaking his head, before going back to the whole laundry thing.

♃☿

for the next few weeks, dallon acts a little weird, and asks a few too many questions about josh. tyler indulges him and admits that, yeah, they make out occasionally, and they sleep in the same bed at least twice a week, but that they're only doing it for _comfort._ tyler feels like he's lying, but he squashes that feeling down into the deepest pits of his gut, refusing to think about it. he is _not_ in love with josh. at all.

♃☿

tyler spends the next month sucking up to josh and flirting with him and being a little _too_ touchy-feely with him, even making out with him a handful of times, before he almost gets what he wants. almost being the key word, of course.

it's late, it's in the middle of may, and tyler decides that tonight's the night he makes his move. josh has just gotten home from a baseball game, and tyler's barely gotten nathan put to bed when he slips into josh's room under the pretense of hanging out, even though both of them know it's most likely going to escalate, even if it only escalates as far as spooning each other while they sleep.

josh is standing at his dresser, going through his cd collection when tyler actually enters. josh doesn't look up at him as he says, "good evening," to him.

"you too. uh. nate's in bed. i know you don't need to me tell you, but--"

"--you just want an excuse to be in here, right?" josh looks over his shoulder at tyler with a fond look on his face, and tyler just bites his lip and nods a little sheepishly.

"pretty much, i guess." he shrugs, and makes his way to josh's bed so he can sit down on it with his legs crossed together while josh continues going through his cds. "what're you lookin' for?"

"this fuckin'... mix tape i made awhile back. it's not even a tape--it's just a bunch of songs i burned onto a cd." josh sighs, and moves on to the second shelf on his cd rack.

"what kind of songs?" tyler has a habit of acting a little _too_ interested in anything josh does. it's not that he isn't interested, but he feels as if he comes on a little too strong.

"make out songs, i guess. i titled it 'make out city,' but it's mostly just a bunch of slow songs. all the songs have this, like... relaxing vibe to them, and i wanted to listen to it before i went to bed. it's stupid."

"not at all, josh. i don't think that's stupid."

josh hums a little bit in response, but doesn't respond to him, because he finally finds the cd. "god, _finally!_ i don't know how i missed it the first five hundred god damn times i tried finding it."

tyler watches him as he walks from the dresser over to the stereo in his room, fiddling with the volume on it and the settings before popping the cd in. the first song that plays is definitely the kind of song tyler would consider a make out song, and he figures that's sort of the point, given it's a mix tape titled 'make out city.' tyler keeps his eyes on josh as the man walks over to the light switch in his room, and dims the lights until it feels more romantic.

as josh crawls across the bed, and seats himself in tyler's lap, tyler laughs, asking, _"whoah,_ man; already?"

"c'mon. we're listening to a mix tape, and you're already here." josh kisses him for the first time that night, making sure it's slow and that it's a _good_ kiss. "we probably would've ended up kissing on each other eventually, y'know?"

tyler lets his hands come to rest on josh's thighs. josh only wearing a too big t-shirt and a pair of briefs, and like this, he looks _cute._ tyler rubs one of his thumbs in a circle, and smiles up at josh a little bit. "i mean... yeah. usually you lead up to it a bit more, y'know?"

"what can i say? i'm feeling bold." josh laughs something light and airy and it takes tyler's breath away. the man in his lap kisses him again, and tyler kisses back a lot more enthusiastically this time, mostly because he's not nearly as shocked as he was with the last kiss. it's kind of like every other time they've made out--josh starts out leading, but tyler takes over; they have their hands on each other, sort of just feeling and exploring; it's almost innocent. almost.

tyler takes it a little further than he has before. he's respectful, and he always keeps his hands above josh's waist, or, in general, away from _the goods,_ as josh has called them a few times, but at the moment, he feels like it's only _natural_ for him to let his hands gravitate towards josh's ass. josh lets out a soft little grunt when he feels tyler's hands on his ass, and winds up breaking the kiss to giggle when tyler squeezes. "i've got a pretty great ass, right?" josh asks with a smug little smirk before resuming kissing tyler.

tyler nods, and in between kisses, he responds. "you've got an _awesome_ ass. it fits perfectly in my hands." the next few seconds of kissing between them is a little sloppy and uncoordinated since either of them are smiling into it.

all in all, it's a pretty solid make out session. tyler cops feels here and there, josh laughs about it and sometimes he whines a little bit, especially when he starts getting worked up more and more, and, _really,_ it's great, but tyler feels as if they run into a wall when josh reaches down to cup tyler through his sweatpants.

needless to say, they're both hard and they've sort of been dry humping like a couple of fourteen year olds in the closet at a party, but as soon as tyler feels josh's hand over his dick, he's grabbing the man's wrist and stopping him, because he feels something sharp and white hot-- _panic--_ shoot through his body. "josh--stop--i can't--i can't do this. fuck."

josh sits up straight, and looks down at tyler with a confused look on his face, eyebrows knitting together. "what's wrong? did i... do something? or do you just, like... not want this?"

"i can't do it," tyler repeats himself. "i want to, so _fucking_ bad, but i can't." he doesn't make eye contact with josh, instead opting to look at his fingers, which are digging into josh's thighs a little too harshly for josh's liking.

tyler runs on auto pilot for the next half hour or so. he nudges josh off of his lap, muttering something about how he has to go, before he's exiting the bedroom and closing the door behind him a little too hard. he doesn't bother keeping his feet light on the stairs as he goes down them, and he pulls on a pair of jeans and grabs a jacket out of his closet, one that he thinks might've been josh's at one point or another--he isn't sure--but once he's wearing jeans and a jacket and after he crams his feet into his shoes, he's exiting the house and beelining it towards his car, which, as usual, is parked out front since there isn't enough room in the garage for more than three cars.

♃☿

by the time tyler shows up at jenna's apartment, it's two in the morning. he's unsurprised that she answers the door looking completely awake, since she's like him--she doesn't sleep much. she gets one look at his face before her own turns sympathetic, and she reaches out towards him to pull him into a hug, asking him if he's okay.

he shrugs once she lets go, mumbling, "fuck if i know," before walking into her apartment. "is ash home?"

"no. she's in brooklyn for a show."

tyler nods, and kicks his shoes off, making himself at home. he lived in this apartment for four years--even now that he hasn't lived here in eight months, he still feels like it's his home, somehow, and he doesn't feel weird about getting comfortable.

"jen, i fucked up," he states as he plops onto her couch, on the opposite end of a pile of blankets and a few pillows. tyler makes the assumption that jenna's been sleeping in the couch in the absence of her girlfriend.

"how'd you fuck up, sweetie?" she asks, voice as kind and as gracious as ever.

tyler's glad she's his best friend. she's so free of judgment. "i was--i was about to fuck my boss, but i just--i panicked, froze up, and _left._ i feel so fucking bad. he's so sensitive and sweet and i'm sure he's all anxious, and, _fuck."_ tyler bends over and clenches his hands in his hair. "i feel so fucking awful for leaving--i shouldn't have left."

"space could do you some good. why don't we start from the beginning?" she's getting comfortable on her couch again, legs tucked under her as she pulls her blanket, which is mustard yellow, over herself, waiting for tyler to nod. "why were you panicking?"

"there's so many reasons, jen, most of which boil down to me being stupid."

"list them, then. that's a good place to start. you always tell me to list everything that's bothering me when i get caught up in my own shit. you should do the same. it always works."

"first of all, he's my boss. that's fucked up in and of itself. i nanny his _child,_ for christ's sake. that's another thing--i'm attached to his kid. i love that boy so much--he's so sweet, jen--like, you've met him! you _know_ how sweet nathan is! i'm attached to him yet i'm here trying to get it in with his dad. that's so fucked up. another thing--josh isn't even my soulmate, or i don't think he is, at least, because i've been around him for _eight months._ i'd know by now. i feel so _guilty,_ because i--i fucking love him, man. i don't know how, or why, but it happened, and i feel like _shit_ about it, but i can't _help it._ like i've tried to not have feelings for him but he'll smile at me or do something cute or kiss me or whatever and it just hits me like i've been shoved into the deep end of a pool with no knowledge on how to fuckin' swim."

jenna nods slowly, and reaches over to rub at tyler's back a little bit.

"my soulmate even gave me his blessing to try and get it in with josh. we've--we've been talking in dreams lately, and i asked him if i could see other people since we don't know each other, and he gave me his blessing. shit--even _he's_ seeing someone, and i gave him my blessing too, but i feel so guilty--like i'm cheating on him, or something, because i just--i'm meant to be with _him._ not _josh."_

"can i ask something...?"

tyler looks over to her, eyes all red and itchy since he's trying not to cry. "what is it?"

"do you know for sure that he's... not your soulmate?"

tyler frowns, and shrugs. "i don't. i haven't seen his mark."

"okay. what you're talking about with josh... that's how ash described how she felt towards her soulmate before he died. she said that before she figured it out she couldn't help her feelings towards him, and she described it as happening very fast and being very... _intense._ i don't want to scare you or anything, but have you ever considered the possibility that... maybe _josh_ is... y'know... _the one?"_

"i don't want to. that's--that's, like, dangerous territory, jen. what if i'm wrong?"

"what if you're right?"

"but what if i'm _wrong?_ if i'm wrong, there goes my job, my livelihood, and two of the most important people in my life right now, him and that kid."

"and if you're _right?_ if you're right, say hello to even _more_ livelihood, that family you've always wanted, unconditional love and support from the person you're meant to be with, a nice _house_ to live in, maybe even a _husband?"_

tyler shrugs. "i don't know if the risk is worth it."

jenna sighs, and tries a different approach. "what all do you know about your soulmate?"

"he's thirty three, he has a kid, and he's kind of a smart ass. that's all i know."

"okay. i know you talk to josh--what do you know about _his_ soulmate, and his bond with his soulmate?"

"his soulmate... is my age. i know that. josh said that he turned twenty three in december."

"and when did you turn twenty three?"

"in december," tyler mumbles.

"what month did you have that dream about the hospital when you were, like, sixteen, or whatever?"

"it was in september...?"

 _"uh-huh._ and when's nathan's birthday?" jenna motions for him to go on.

"september twenty seventh."

"right. and tell me--every night you have a particularly strong dream with your soulmate, what _exactly_ are you doing on those nights?"

"... sharing a bed with josh, usually...?" tyler's voice is getting more and more high pitched as the realization is dawning on him.

"okay, and... when did your bond with your soulmate start getting a lot stronger? was it in, dare i say... _october?_ when you started working for josh?"

tyler nods, slowly.

"and you think _aaall_ of that is just a _coincidence?"_

♃☿

tyler winds up having an anxiety attack that lasts nearly two hours before he finally passes out on jenna's couch, in her arms.

tyler doesn't dream for the few hours he's asleep, at least not with his soulmate. his dreams are vague and they're weird and tyler wakes up around four in the morning, hot and sweaty, because jenna's blanket is too thick and her body has always been too warm for him to share a bed with.

she makes him a cup of coffee to drink before he leaves to go back home, and tyler thanks her with a quick kiss to her cheek.

♃☿

the ride home is weird. tyler feels dread pooling up in his gut, and by the time he's sneaking back inside, he feels as if he's going to throw up. he barely gets his keys onto the key rack and his shoes off before there's someone yanking him into a hug.

as expected, that someone is _josh,_ and josh is hugging him tight. tyler hugs him back and feels his heart drop to his stomach as he thinks of the conversation that he needs to have with him. it's a conversation that he's far from ready to have, he thinks, or, well, his anxiety thinks. tyler hugs him tighter as he thinks about it, and he hesitates as josh pulls out of the hug. josh has his hands on tyler's biceps, and presses a kiss to his forehead before saying anything. he keeps his voice low and quiet; "i am _so_ sorry about earlier--i did _not_ mean to make you uncomfortable or freak you out or whatever."

tyler nods slowly, and he knows full well that he looks like a deer in the fucking headlights, with his eyes all wide. "uh-huh." his voice is still doing the thing it does where it gets all high pitched when he's nervous. "right. um. i think--i think you're good. you _should_ be good."

"what's that supposed to mean?" josh looks... very confused, if anything.

"can we--can we talk? tomorrow? y'know... when we're both not exhausted and we, um... can have a chance to be alone...?" tyler gestures a little bit with his hands, which are shaking a little bit.

"uh, yeah, of course. can i ask what about...?"

"i don't know... it's--it's nothing bad, i don't think, but... it's, uh, important, yeah?"

♃☿

tyler takes nathan to school, and he procrastinates going home by going to starbucks and getting himself a coffee, and then taking a trip to some deli all the way in queens to get a sandwich. he takes his sweet time sitting in the parking lot of a gas station eating his sandwich and drinking his coffee, watching something on his phone while he does it as well. he even drives five below the speed limit where possible on the way back, and by the time he's finally back, it's nearing eleven.

tyler procrastinates even more by standing in the kitchen picking at the frosting on a cake that the four of them had been eating on for the past two days. finally, though, he works up the courage to trudge upstairs, navigate the upper level of the house, and walk into josh's office.

josh doesn't dick around and beat around the bush as soon as he makes eye contact with tyler. "what's that talk you wanted to have?"

tyler shifts back and forth on his feet. "can you stand up?"

josh slowly gets up from his chair, giving tyler this look as if he's afraid of upsetting him or something, like he's a child. in a way, tyler sort of feels like a child. he sucks at confrontation, with as much as he likes to encourage people to tackle their problems head on.

"take your shirt off." _if it's not him i'm going to throw up._

"why?" josh's eyebrows draw together in the way that they do when he's confused.

"i want to see your mark."

josh looks like he wants to say _no,_ but he slowly takes his t-shirt shirt off, and lifts up his left arm a little bit to reveal his ribs to tyler, and for the first time in a long time, tyler feels _relieved_ to see the fucking symbols for jupiter and mercury. the first thing out of tyler's mouth is a, _"thank god,"_ and he almost faints because he feels so relieved that he wasn't _wrong._

"what does that mean?"

"well, first of all," tyler starts, a dumb smile working its way onto his face, as he peels his own t-shirt off, "we're both _stupid."_

josh looks fucking _gobsmacked._ "... _huh?"_

"i kinda--i kinda left last night because i was--i felt guilty, because i convinced myself that everything i was noticing was just--was just a coincidence, but, um, my best friend--jenna--she, like, pointed out that, essentially, there's no such thing as a coincidence, and then i had an anxiety attack over it, but i've been thinking, and, _really,_ it makes _sense--"_

josh cuts him off on accident, because he's breaking down into almost hysterical laughter, bent over clutching his sides. "oh my _god!_ we really _are_ stupid!"

♃☿

the two of them wind up lying on the floor in the living room after josh types up some bullshit list of errands for dallon to go take care of, just to get him out of the house. the floor in the living room isn't _that_ comfortable, but it's where josh likes to lay if he's had a long day and tyler obviously isn't willing to let the man out of his sight, at least not yet, so that's where they end up.

"so... what does this mean?" tyler asks as his eyes trace the patterns in the paint on the ceiling. "i still have my job, right?"

"i'm not gonna be able to find a new nanny on short notice, especially not one like you, so... i'd hope so. you still want your job, right?"

 _"uh,_ yeah. though... do i even _need_ a job? could this even be considered a job, at this point? if you think about it, you're just paying me to do stuff that i'd do for free."

"i hired you to take care of my kid when i can't. that is literally your job."

"i know, but--it doesn't feel like a job anymore. it hasn't for awhile. i mean, i _love_ taking care of nathan, and i--i love him, too, because he's fucking great, but i kinda feel like you're giving me paychecks for nothing, and now that we're-- _y'know--_ now that we're aware of the fact that our marks match... i dunno. i don't want to take advantage of you. i also don't want you to feel like you need to pay me to care about him, because you don't."

josh snorts, long and softly. "dude, shut up. why do things like that have to change?"

"i don't know, man. aren't we supposed to be together, now?"

"i mean... maybe, i guess. i dunno. i kind of screwed up while trying to _woo_ you."

"how so?"

"well--if we're gonna, _y'know,_ be together, i wanna do it right. like... i wanna take you out on dates, and i don't want you to be some little secret, as much as i don't want to share you with the world. for example--say i get invited to a--to an event. i would be more than honored to take you with me, as my date. like... i dunno. i want that. i wanna show you off and let people know that, hey, _that's_ my man. i've grown up always wanting to just _love_ my soulmate, and now that i can... that's what i'm gonna do. i'm gonna love the shit out of you."

"backtracking to nate--how are we gonna tell him? or are you gonna talk to him on your own? or should i?"

"i think that's something we should do together. i also... don't think we _have_ to do it as soon as possible. i mean, obviously this isn't something we should keep from him, but i do think it's worth it for us to give ourselves a little room to breathe, and some time to get used to this before telling anyone else, given we kind of... had a pre-existing relationship prior to finding out about all this, one that... well, if i can be real with you, what we were doing was... wildly inappropriate, if you look at it at face value, and although we're... _y'know,_ kinda meant to be together _..._ the negative feelings that come with having what is essentially an affair were still there and were still very real, and i--i need time to get used to it too, even with as much as i want to just hop into a relationship with you."

"that's... a good idea, yeah. giving ourselves room to breathe."

"so... can i ask what you were talking about earlier, when you said you kept noticing things...? just--to change the subject, a bit, to something easier." josh reaches to his left to hold tyler's hand, and tyler's more than happy to indulge him. of course he is.

"the first thing i noticed was when you talked about your soulmate breaking his arm, and how you could feel it, i guess. i also kinda noticed about how i can, literally, feel how bad your back and elbows ache sometimes, and how every time they hurt particularly bad you'd complain about your own elbows and back aching. also... when i was, like... sixteen, specifically the night nate was born, i had a dream where you were on the floor in a hospital room and i was comforting you...? i don't know if you remember that--"

"--i do."

"--alright, well, technically that's the first thing i noticed, because like... i had that dream, my friend's mark went black, then a few days later there were articles everywhere about your wife and your kid. _oh._ um. my friend--jenna--uh. i think her and your wife were...? their marks are the same--that mashup of the symbols for the sun and the moon on their arms. more than anything i just thought that was ironic."

"have you told her about it?"

"uh, no. you made me sign a non disclosure agreement, so i don't really tell her anything about what goes on in this house, because i legally can't. i don't know if i want to, anyways. she's been doing really good the past few years with the fact that her soulmate died, and i don't--i don't wanna dig that up for her. she had a _really_ hard time when her mark went black and i don't want to see her get bad again, i guess." tyler shrugs. "i do think i should tell her eventually, but i need to find the right way to do it."

"if you want... i could tell her? you didn't know deb; i did. i mean, shit, i was married to her. it might sound better coming from me, i guess."

tyler nods. "maybe. anyways-- _another_ thing i noticed is that every time i'd have a particularly strong dream--it was always on a night we'd do stuff...? like, if we shared a bed, bam, i'd have a dream, or if we kissed or something, i'd have one. did you notice anything at all?"

"when you talked about your back and elbows that first time it made me raise an eyebrow, but other than that, i've been fairly clueless."

"we really are a couple of idiots, aren't we?"

"we really are."


End file.
